When The Feeling Isn’t Mutual

What do you love?”

You ask the person walking side by side with you. His answer is almost automatic enumerating the things he likes doing. You listen and try to make sense of what he is saying while being swept away with the vividness of his face.

He looked perfect. And he is there with you, right beside you.

You liked the guy from the time you first set your eyes on him.

You liked him more when you got to talk to him until the wee hours of the morning. You said to yourself, he might be the one I am looking for. You never believed in soul mates, until you met him.

 If at your age you can still have crushes,then he could have been that happy crush. The one who made your heart skip a beat. The one who you look forward to seeing everyday but who you try to avoid his gaze. The one you wanted but not quite, not yet.

You are not new to this dating game. It is not as if this was your first encounter with the opposite sex. But everything seemed surreal.

Every chance you had with him was treated like a touch-move game of chess. You hold your horses until you are sure.

You wanted everything to be right. Don’t look too eager. Play hard-to-get. Count to ten before you reply to his texts. Appear mysterious. Show him you have a wonderful life. You know all these dating rules by heart.

Remember how giddy you felt when he finally got your number.

You waited for that first text.  That gave you hope.You even saved that first text conversation even if it just consists of the polite how-are-yous and whats-up.

You talked about your exes and your plans in your life. Remember how you got smitten when he told stories of his childhood and his mom.

You were on a game of tug-of-war. You felt that both of you are just testing the waters, waiting for each other. No one is saying anything concrete. The anticipation is killing you.

Or so you thought.

You cannot remember how it happened. It was just a hug, a simple hug. Then you kissed. Oh, how long have you waited for that. But you knew it wasn’t right. Something wasn’t right. His kiss was not the soft, hesitant, and lingering kiss you had imagined.

It was hungry, aggressive, pervasive, and intrusive.

That kiss lead one thing to another. You weren’t prepared for it. That is not how you planned things to happen.

You thought things would become clear for the both of you after that.

You are right. It became clear, clear as a crystal. He didn’t stay the night. There was no cuddling.

He left.

And again,the feeling was the same when you first met him. It was surreal. But this time, you didn’t feel your heart skip a beat. You felt it breaking.

Yes, the feeling isn’t mutual.

He blames the timing. He promised destiny. He can’t afford the distance.

He talked about all the abstracts. Because that is how he feels for you, nothing close to anything concrete.