Nevi Rooks

2. No school shootings happened: Um, yeah. None.

Man, we have it great in America. Here’s an overview of our miniscule “problems” combined with #realworldproblems.

While other countries endure political and social turmoil, the United States media only had to concentrate on the Gitmo situation. Here’s a few other things you may have missed.

Google is building driverless cars because they can; and seriously, who needs humans in the future anyway?

A lot happened this week that involves your everyday life, but you may not have heard about it because it didn’t involve celebrity scandal.

Let’s play a game this week. If any of your friends mention the following names, they buy a round. Make sure they know, and please find new friends: Justin Bieber, Solange Knowles, Donald Sterling, Karl Rove.

Don’t sound like an uncultured swine this evening at happy hour. I’ve compiled the below overview of the week in news so you can sound like you actually care what’s going on in the world.

Do you ever feel like the topics discussed at happy hour are a foreign language? Like, “how did I miss that viral video?” or “a plane really disappeared last month?” To get you up to speed for tonight’s happy hour discussions, I compiled the below list on the essentials.

This article is written mainly for men my age who had a fulfilled childhood; or even to women my age, who were either really freaking cool or who had older brothers.

Anytime you play with a dog, your balls automatically get vacuumed right up into your stomach.

We’d sincerely appreciate it if you all just retired already, we’ll take it from here. Grab your mops Millennials, we have a lot of work to do.

People are sick. You have to admit though; it would be interesting to pick at the brains of history’s most evil men.

9. What is this obsession that you people have with all things deep-fried?

“You can’t just cram for exams in college.” We came, we saw, we conquered.

I used to be a proud Arizonan. The Wild West, gun slingers, Wyatt Earp, the Salt River, incredible sunsets, ancient Native American cliff dwellings, snowcapped mountain peaks, and home to one of the True Wonders of the World.

When you whip out a simple “baby” in passing conversation, I cower every time. I hold back a smile and carry on like nothing happened, but I assure you, something happened.