Nathan Savin Scott

Girls who can put down a whiskey are sexy. I like that. But a girl who rips off nine scotches in a row at the bar? That’s just alcoholism.

Being that I was one of two people in the dorm who knew how to tie a tie, I was called into service for the better part of two hours helping the boys get ready. Too much cologne was sprayed. I took about 2300 photos.

I’m “the problem kid” and I “need to get a job” and I “need to stop living in the basement” and I “shouldn’t look at my cousin like that.”

Biking past them, I got the sudden instinct to call one Madison. Don’t ask me how I knew it, but I knew for a fact that at least one girl in every group was named Madison. I also decided they were all dating kids who played lacrosse at Johns Hopkins.

My favorite saying of my dad’s, however, was “Don’t force it if it’s not on.” He used this when a player would try something outrageous on the soccer field when there was a simpler option.

I know we don’t cover sports all that often here at Thought Catalog. (The last time I watched a football game with our editors, one of them clapped loudly and exclaimed “Touch of downs! Touch of downs!” after a missed field goal.)

Andrew WK makes freak out songs. (He pretty much built his career off of them.) So does Japandroids. So does Titus Andronicus.

Let’s get on Twitter, a word that once meant one thing and now means another thing. What do birds do now? Chirp, I guess. My heart is a-twitter. A-flutter.

If you are going to spend some of your precious minutes on this earth taking out loans, buying real estate, securing proper zoning, hiring employees, getting inventory, all to open up your dream pet store, why ON EARTH would you not then give said pet store a hilarious, punny name for everyone to enjoy?

When a piece of art is made personally, but still somehow manage to connect with me as an audience member, the connection is much deeper than when the art is produced for the masses, for the lowest common denominator.

I wasn’t really listening. I watched. I saw a stick figure pinwheel down the side of the building, and didn’t process what that meant. I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t. So I watched the footage over, and over. And over.

Clinton could do any number of things last night, and Obama’s team hadn’t seen his speech, and he was getting up there to talk about a person with whom he had a strained relationship, on the big stage, in front of everyone…

Christopher Plummer gets caught in the rain with a footstool.

And when my friends tell me “Man, I wish we could just go back there. Life was so much better back in high school, you know?” it pisses me off. Because they are falling for the oldest trick in the American book.

Listen. I am white.
From a white family. But
this is WHITE, y’know?

You know Lance Armstrong. From the TV. From his books. From his magazine covers. From his cancer. From his infidelity. From his bracelets that were such a fad for about six weeks there a few years back.

A deferred tax asset is a tax asset who didn’t get into its first choice of tax asset college in the early decision round, got deferred, and now has to apply regular decision.

Awkward is not laughing too loud when Chet the Investment Banker makes a joke. Awkward is real, and it is dark, and it is not something we joke about.