Haikus For The Republican National Convention

I.

If Ms. Romney calls
her husband “Mittens” I will
jump, squeal in delight.

II.

Governor Christie
should record a rap album
called: “I’m Straight Jowlin'”

III.

The last haiku was
in reference to his weight.
Fat jokes. Yep. Went there.

IV.

Listen. I am white.
From a white family. But
this is WHITE, y’know?

V.

3 Doors Down performs.
Begs question: where the fuck is
Seven Mary Three?

VI.

Paul Ryan LIAR!
Or not. Whatever. He steal
his dad’s blazer, though?

VII.

You know when you think
about a word for so long
it loses meaning?

VIII.

Fiscal. Fiscal. Fis-
cal. Fiscal. Fiscal. Fiscal.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN? AHHHH!

XI.

Cannot stop staring
at Ryan’s suit. Who dresses
him? Me in 8th grade?

X.

For real though. Worried
about Seven Mary Three.
They alive? Or what.