I Will Never Again Be The Broken Person You Made Me Into

Blame is an easy game when you’re the only one playing. You are free to create the rules and decide who wins. However, blame is a game best played in retrospect. “Blame,” in the present tense, is synonymous with “excuses.” This kind of blame allows us to escape our problems temporarily. But, in the past tense, “blame” becomes a path of experiences; a constellation of the stars leading you to this very moment. If you’re ever going to play ‘The Blame Game,’ make sure you blame the person who did you wrong for everything they did to you…

I blame you for making me afraid; for depicting my identity as a monster in the closet that I should stay as far away from as possible. Because the “Me” monster is the only thing that threatened to change your story and you needed to ensure that you’re the only hero.

I blame you for making me hungry; for telling me that I have a pretty face, but not pretty enough for anyone else to love. Because the only “self” I saw was the self-conscious, distorted body in the clown mirror you created on my bathroom wall.

I blame you for taking everything away from me; for cutting off all connections between me and the outside world. Because all that was left of me was your construction of the Damsel in Depressed; an internal downward spiral that only you could stop.

Yet, you chose not to, because as long as I hated myself, I depended on you. When you cut the ties between our hearts, you forgot to cut the chains holding my heart hostage in your control. And to this day I still blame you…

I blame you for making me afraid; for creating a fear inside me that I might be fooled by someone like you again. Because although you used my source of light and left, I refuse to dim my light for others who may need it. You made me strong.

I blame you for making me hungry; for giving me the drive I needed to satisfy a craving to pursue my dreams. Because the insanity you instilled in me eventually manifested itself into a growing hunger for success that I will never give up. You made me perseverant.

I blame you for taking everything away from me; for showing me that the time to be grateful is now. Because I now know that I shouldn’t be grateful because I have the “best” or the “most,” but simply because “I have…” You made me wise.

I blame you for the happiness I feel from the liberation of a broken heart. Because I know that my heart, its thousands of pieces, can only be put back together again in a beautiful masterpiece titled, “Me.” A heart that lets me feel how I want to feel, and love who I want to love. A free heart that limits no passion. A heart that loves its body, mind, soul, and everything it comes into contact with. A light that will never dim again. You made me who I am now. And for that, I blame you.