Natalie Esarey

The bravest thing I have ever done was give myself permission to bloom. Without rules, without limits.

We know God, but how many of us really know Him? How many of us forget to know what we already knew? You following me here?

No one would ever guess you have social anxiety. People with social anxiety never utter a peep, right? So, your 15-minute story definitely eliminates any possibility for you to be anxious. HAH, you wish! Little do those around you know, the constant chatter and jokes coming from you is far from an indication of confidence. More like the result of not being able to contain the disorganized mess that is your racing thoughts.

You can’t just meet someone and suddenly know that they’re the one. You can’t be that sure of anything. Nothing is certain. Nothing lasts forever. And no one can be trusted. Or so I thought.

After an abundance of therapy sessions, I received a diagnosis: I had an attachment disorder. The three main types of attachment styles are secure, anxious, and avoidant. When someone is left feeling anything other than secure, the other styles can leave you in the midst of a complex and confusing state of being.

After the time I spent alone, and the time I spent healing and rebuilding myself—I am left with one belief stronger than everything that’s happened. I believe that despite all odds that say otherwise, that people are inherently good.

It won’t tell you the way your eyes light up when you talk about the things you love. It won’t tell you that your laugh is a noise that makes the rest of us not feel so alone. You’ll never be told your worth.

My eating disorder is unrelenting, terrible, and LOUD. It’s so loud that even if you want to hear truth and even if you want to break free, you cannot hear anything anyone is trying to tell you because you are drowning in the shrieks of its anger.

On August 13, 2016, my life changed forever. Actually, my life began. I was reborn. Only nine months prior, I had just gotten out of my fifth treatment center. And now, finally, I was truly happy.

You’re the one with enough life in you to take something unseen and give it a face.

I’m not sure what I was doing on the app to be quite honest. Maybe I was curious, or maybe I was lonely, or maybe it was just meant to be. I wasn’t expecting MARRIAGE out of Tinder, but I did want something real.

You will never be fat. Yes, you have fat. We all do. But you also have fingers, hair, hormones, and a beating heart.

I always thought being your “little girl” was a title that would always be at the top of your priority list. I’m not going to lie. It hurts like hell, and it probably will for a while.