4 Signs You’re Going To Be Single By Valentine’s Day

Forget the cuffs, here’s to being a free bird!

Updated 11 years ago, February 10, 2014

February is almost here and with it comes the lovelorn Valentines season which almost always brings the cuffing season to a final crescendo followed by an abrupt halt in March. Here are 4 early signs that the sparks that kept your bed warm during winter are about to sizzle out and go cold by the time spring rolls around.

1. Birthday No-Show

If you happen to be born anytime between January and March and your significant other or cuffing buddy or whatever term of endearment you choose to call each other conveniently forgets your birthday, you my friend are about to be dumped.

If that’s not a clear sign, I guess I will also need to remind you that you are delusional.

2. Sudden Gym Hogging

This does not apply to actual gym rats. However, if your cuffing buddy has suddenly developed an insatiable need to be at the gym every waking second WITHOUT YOU, you my friend are going to be dumped.

Those hours spent at the gym are being spent trying to get back in shape in time for the hot bikini season and summer’s shirtless Sunday-to-Sundays.

If you are still unconvinced that your partner will be bidding you adios very soon, then consider the following idea.

They are not interested in breaking their backs trying to burn calories and build muscles, they are in fact scoping the gym for potential summer flings that are in way better shape than you.

If they have changed their whole wardrobe to match their new fit lifestyle and have a new hair-cut.

YOU ARE IN THE RED ZONE!

Get that gym membership now and move in there if you have to, whatever you do just make sure you are in good shape and ready to get back in the game by spring.

3. Valentines Fail

The Valentine’s brush off is a sure giveaway- assuming that you actually make it to Valentine’s day and that one of you doesn’t suddenly decide to just end it because spending money on a gift for someone you are about to leave anyways makes a pre-valentines break-up all too tempting.

Your significant other may not be ready to leave just yet but since your future together is over in their minds, they will spend little money or thought on your Valentine’s gift and in worst cases be a complete no-show.

If this is not a sign that your short and sweet love-nest is doomed then I should also let you know that you are suffering from a serious case of delusion.

4. Classic Phone Snobbing

Are your phone calls to your boyfriend/girlfriends always going unanswered? Do they take days to respond to your one page love letter only to respond with k? Did their phone suddenly get stolen? Do your calls always go straight to voicemail? Do your calls to his friends also go unanswered? Has (s) he vanished from the internet? Has (s) he not updated his twitter, Instagram or Facebook for a while? Has (s) he called you in the past 1 day? Better yet, have they called you in the past 1 week…Since you last saw each other?? When did you last see each other?? Has it been a while…..??? Are you still dating?

If you answered yes to more than two questions and had no answer to the last one, you my friend have been dumped.

If it’s any consolation you can at least relax in knowing that they had the decency to not dump you on Valentine’s Day which contrary to Hollywood movies and hallmark cards happens way too often.

So my advice to you is to get rid of the cuffs before you get dumped. If not I can only wish you a quick recovery from your acute delusion.