To My Favorite Unrequited Love
You're my favorite what if. I used to think about what would happen if we were together. Would we be happier? Would we end up together?
How would our relationship change? How will we be able to live day by day as two people “together”? Would anything change? Would you really love me back? Would you stay? The questions didn’t end there. What if I tell you I love you? Would you tell me you love me too? What if I never agreed to going our separate ways? Would you stay? What if I still fought for a place in your heart and life? Would you finally realize that I love you? What if I continued to break down your walls? Would you let me in?
What if I did all of these things? Would something change? Would I get a shot? Would you risk it all, for me?
You’re my favorite what if because you never let me run out of questions to ask. And with these questions I continue to hope that one day, these what ifs will turn to why nots. And one day, you will finally realize what I really mean to you and what you really mean to me. You will soon realize my what ifs may just be turned into reality. But I can only hope for that day to come.
You may never love me back, but I will always love you.
You’re my favorite almost. I never told you I loved you, directly. But I would always tell you that I do, in my actions and in reading between the lines of my messages. I love you, more than you’ll ever know. I love you and what we had almost felt real. That maybe you loved me too, maybe you will reciprocate the love that I’m giving you. But darling, almosts hurt more than breakups. Almost, the story of how two people thought they were headed for the same road until they realized they weren’t. Until they realized they wanted different things. Until they realized they needed to go to separate directions.
Until they realized it wasn’t going to work anyway. Until they realized, maybe it isn’t worth the tears anymore. Until they realized that weren’t willing to give it a shot. Almost, will never be enough dear. And that is all you can give to me, that is all I can ask from you. Almost, how you may love me too but chose not to. How I love but chose not to tell you.
You’re my favorite almost.
You’re my favorite hello and goodbye. You entered my life in the most unconventional way. I just said goodbye to a person who I knew for a long time, and loved longer. You helped mend my heart and life. You saw how broken I am and vowed to not let me break myself again for the wrong person. But life has this way for messing things up, I guess. You broke that promise, and became the person you didn’t want to be. The wrong person I would break my heart again for. You were that person, the wrong one to love. It is all wrong but felt so right all those time. I knew that I was back on the road to self-destruction, but chose to continue. I knew that it would get me nowhere. I knew that it would just cause me heartaches, pain, tears and nothing good. But I chose to go on.
I chose to break myself for you. When you came into my life I thought I was saying hello to a better person.
Yes you are a better person, the perfect person. Just not for me. And with this, it all became to falter. Everything we built our friendship on broke down, into two– two million pieces. Slowly then all at once. And I broke down with it, only in two. We both knew we needed to say goodbye. We both knew we needed to call things off. We both knew what was the right thing to do. We chose to go our separate ways, all those memories went down the drain, one by one. With those memories, we forgot the day we first said hello. With those memories, we forgot all the reasons to continue fighting. You’re my favorite goodbye because that led me to saying hello to change.
To my favorite unrequited love, sooner or later I’d have to face you again.
And maybe this time it would no longer hurt just as it did the day you told me you had to go. Maybe this time we would do things better. Maybe this time it would be our time to be together. But I’m not getting my hopes up, nor daydreaming that you’ll tell me you love me. I’m just hoping, praying and wishing that you’ve realized the reasons why you’re my favorite. I’m hoping that you found yourself and the reasons why you’re worth it. I love you, with all my heart, broken and in pieces. I love you and I hope you realize the reasons why I do. 
