When I Feel Like I’m Missing You Too Much

I laid out pictures of us, which I printed last night. In every picture, it was you and me, smiling, laughing and doing everything else in between. A picture for every time we saw each other and talked about anything under the sun. A picture for every moment I wished that lasted and every day I would want to go back to. A picture for every chance that I should’ve told you I loved you, but I was too afraid to tell you.

Now I ran out of pictures and chances to tell you I still love you. Now all I have are pictures as a grim reminder of all the opportunities I let slip away. A reminder of all the smiles I miss and the time I wasted. A reminder that I will always be here, right where you left me waiting for you to come home.

As I finished torturing myself with the pain of you being a thousand miles away, I stumbled upon one photo, the one we took the day I last saw you. The last photo we smiled for but deep inside we were breaking down. The last photo of us seeing each other and feeling the warmth of our embrace. The last photo before you had to go, I held it and I felt tears stream down my face.

And I was brought back to the moment when we first met, the days we fought and back to that moment. The moment you told me you’ll miss me, the first time I heard that statement from you “I’ll miss you.” And I was pulled back to reality, with you still on the other side of the world and me waiting and longing for you. My phone rang, out of nowhere and your name popped up the screen, I cleared my throat and wiped my tears away like nothing happened.

“Hey.”

“Hi, why’d you suddenly call? Are you alright?”

“I am, It’s just that…”

“What, why what’s wrong?”

“Nothing I swear, I just want to tell you that I’m coming back.”

“You never left, remember?”

“I know that and I know you know what I mean.”

“You’re coming home?”

“Yes, I am. So save your tears and stay where you are, I’m coming back.”

“I was always here, I never left. I will always stay and wait.”

…

My heart couldn’t contain the happiness I felt. I swear my heart rate spiked to 145 beats per minute. I felt it. I knew it. It was all real. I heard your voice. I heard everything and remember everything vividly. It was real, too real I must say.

And then it wasn’t.

I woke up, with a smile on my face but with tears on my pillows. I was holding the last photo we took, and waiting for you to call. But you didn’t. It shattered my heart to realize you wouldn’t call.

It felt so real and I will always wish it was.