Wishes From Queens

I wished I would die today
I thought as I laid with your head burrowed in my chest
Because I knew it would be easier than leaving
Even though there’s no love left

I wished I would die today
Cause if I breathed my last breath I’d never have to smell the gin on yours again
And if this was the last sunset I laid by your side
I’d never have to wake up to you already drunk, half a bottle in

I wished I would die today
Finally lay my tired out body down to rest
Instead of this constant chaos and worry
Too much hurt from the ashes of our past to forget

I wished I would die today
Just after I cradled you back to sleep
Whisper my goodbye to you, softly kissing you
Thirty One, Smashing Pumpkins playing on repeat

I wished I would die today
Pray the lord my soul to keep
Will your rock bottom kill me in this bed that you never want to leave?
Here I will stay twisted up in all these sheets

Oh, but no, my love, I know you’re much too selfish to care
Too intoxicated to realize when you wake up I’m not even there
Too much haze in those baby blues to see the woman that loves you
I’d be better off wishing for a plane, to fall out of the sky and crush us both

I no longer wish I would die today, with love, from Queens