Molly McAleer

2. Ironic celebrity perfume

Show up first and leave last. Take on the project no one else on your team wants and apply for the jobs that you probably shouldn’t get in a million years. You’ll reap the bennies forever.

The holidays are here and so are all of your bullshit holiday excuses. Here’s a list of things that I won’t be taking any for this year:

Your entire relationship would horrify your grandmother.

It’s those cold, dead eyes that have that uncomfortable charisma to them.

“Have you met anyone famous?”

I don’t think my college boyfriend will ever forget the tears.

Get drunk, hook up, take too many selfies, come back next year.

Your relationship is all but a ticking time bomb.

Fingerpainting never looked so racist.

Hey— most of the time when you’re craving booze, you’re actually just missing that dopamine rush…so replace that addiction with another addiction.

We all have them—the up-all-night BFFLs that we drifted away from, the ride-or-die relationships that went down the drain after one too many blow-out fights about who called dibs on which guy.