Molly McAleer

Making decisions based on the greater good, not your personal gain.

Why can’t you just walk down the street in 2015 with a fat ass joint lit knowing that, even if it’s not necessarily LEGAL in your state, the police have better things to do?

And thinking about that—the fact that I’m older and my decisions (even if I need help being led to them) are starting to feel more and more permanent —makes me want to shit my pants.

Hi, my name is Molly and I’m deeply not perfect.

“If you make a decision you know I won’t be proud of, call anyway.”

The ones that you secretly screengrab and send to your friends to laugh at, but would never repost—because knowing about them/enjoying them is too embarrassing to own up to.

1. Mason jar salads

“There are plenty of fish in the sea.” No, baby. There are not PLENTY.

“I don’t want a goddamn tortilla-wrapped egg.”

I’m going to cross my fingers, dive in and devote the next three and a half months of my life to this program because when it comes to reality television, I am basically a barren cat lady who still uses AOL Dial-Up.

Please get rid of anything that looks like a litter of puppies has been born on it.

Psycho, much?