Believe it or not, there is a widely accepted indicator which measures the current affairs of the economy. It’s called the Hot Waitresses Economic Index. Basically, the hotter your waitress, the higher chance the economy is in a slump. The assumption is, because hot individuals have an easy time finding “high-paying” jobs, to find them working in lower-paying jobs indicates poor economic times.

Hugo Lindgren of NYMag writes:

The hotter the waitresses, the weaker the economy. In flush times, there is a robust market for hotness. Selling everything from condos to premium vodka is enhanced by proximity to pretty young people (of both sexes) who get paid for providing this service. That leaves more-punishing work, like waiting tables, to those with less striking genetic gifts. But not anymore.

A waitress at one Lower East Side club described to me what happened there: “They slowly let the boys go, then the less attractive girls, and then these hot girls appeared out of nowhere. All in the hope of bringing in more business. The managers even admitted it. These hot girls that once thrived on the generosity of their friends in the scene for hookups—hosting events, marketing brands, modeling—are now hunting for work.”

Huh, well, here’s to hoping your next server looks like Sloth.