12 Things You Didn’t Know About Your Mother

1. She’s fat.

Your momma is so fat, she’s “Large, Single, and ready to Pringle.”

2. She’s ugly.

Your momma is so ugly that her face is blurred on her driver’s license.

3. She’s greasy.

Your momma is so greasy that she uses bacon as a band-aid!

4. She’s dirty.

Your momma is so dirty that when she tried to take a bath, the water jumped out and said “I’ll wait.”

5. She’s nasty.

Your momma is so nasty that she makes Speed Stick slow down.

6. She’s stupid.

Your momma is so stupid that it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!

7. She’s short.

Your momma is so short that she makes Gary Coleman look like Shaquille O’Neal.

8. She’s poor.

Your momma is so poor that I saw her running after a garbage truck with a shopping list.

9. She’s tall.

Your momma is so tall that if she did a backflip, she’d kick Jesus in the mouth.

10. She’s skinny.

Your momma is so skinny that if she had a yeast infection she’d be a Quarter Pounder with Cheese.

11. She’s hairy.

Your momma is so hairy that she looks like Bigfoot in a tank top.

12. She’s really stupid.

Your momma is so stupid that when she took an IQ test, the results came out negative.