50 Onion News Headlines That Are Actually From Real News Stories
We all know people that have taken The Onion seriously. I think we can understand why now.
By 
Michael Koh
1. Better Wi-Fi at Starbucks Undoubtedly Means Even Worse Amateur Screenplays
Source: Vanity Fair
2. Police fine man $147 for sitting under tree
Source: CTV
3. 12-Year-Old Robs 10-Year-Old’s Lemonade Stand At BB Gunpoint
Source: The Consumerist
4. Man claims carnival game was scam after losing $2K, winning large banana
Source: Fox 59
5. Freshman Starts ‘White Student Union’ Club at Georgia State University
Source: All News 1067
6. Dropping $180 For Bird Poop Facials At NYC Spa
Source: AP
7. Man fleeing officers unknowingly tries hiding in St. Louis County police headquarters
Source: KMOV
8. Power company sends threatening letter to freeloading streetlight
Source: MSN Now
9. New York woman visited by police after researching pressure cookers online
Source: The Guardian
10. Texan fatally stabbed after karaoke dispute in Thailand
Source: USA Today
11. Mom Tries to Get Her Son Laid With Craigslist Ad
Source: NYMag
12. Police: Saggy pants may have contributed to Youngstown man’s fall
Source: Vindy
13. Shots fired during prayer vigil remembering shooting victims
Source: WSBT
14. TV show giving away babies as prizes
Source: KHOU
15. Don’t boycott our vodka, you’ve got the wrong country, say gay Latvians
Source: Gay Star News
16. Israel uses Facebook ‘likes’ to convict Palestinian student
Source: Middle East Monitor
17. The World’s Most Homoerotic Homophobes Are Now Mounting a Giant Pole in Tiny Pink Shorts
Source: The Atlantic Wire
18. Man calls 911 on McDonald’s
Source: WALB
19. Man with 132 lb. scrotum gets TLC show
Source: Entertainment Weekly
20. Al Sharpton: ‘Some People Exploiting Differences Between Us for Their Own Advantage’
Source: CNS News
21. Buffalo Man Caught Drinking Beer at Road Check
Source: WGRZ
22. US man ‘abandoned’ in US jail gets $4m in compensation
Source: BBC News
23. Belarusian president boasts of bigger fish than Putin’s
Source: The Moscow News
24. Chicago Tribune Accidentally Publishes a Placeholder Cat Photo on Front Page
Source: Peta Pixel
25. North Korea Claims to Have Nuclear Suicide Bombers
Source: PolicyMic
26. Essex school bans triangular flapjacks after injury
Source: The Guardian
27. Greene Co. Fair strips KKK photo of blue ribbon
Source: Dayton Daily News
28. Record-breaking 13-pound German baby almost looks heavy enough to be American
Source: The Gist
29. Child banned from school trip for eating chocolate
Source: The Telegraph
30. Rapper’s Lyrics Lead To His Own Arrest In Double Homicide Case
Source: All Hip Hop
31. Rare condition makes James Bond theme music ‘orgasmic’ for man who suffered stroke
Source: The National Post
32. Assad’s alternate universe: Syrian president joins Instagram, manages to erase almost all traces of civil war
Source: The National Post
33. Christian Publisher Removes Loch Ness Monster From Biology Textbook
Source: Christian Post
34. Ice cream and fizzy drinks avert mass chimpanzee escape bid at Twycross Zoo
Source: The Independent
35. Swedish serial killer who raped and ate his victims to be freed – because he made it all up
Source: The Independent
36. BBC apologises for broadcasting picture of Prince William with penis drawn on his head
Source: The Independent
37. Woman dies after injecting hot beef fat into her face
Source: Sun Times
38. Is Sitting the New Smoking?
Source: Discovery
39. Giant Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket left on tenant’s lawn
Source: CBC
40. Who’s Built a Better Search: the NSA or Facebook?
Source: The Atlantic Wire
41. Barry Church injured by cherry Jolly Rancher
Source: SBNation
42. EasyJet apologises after telling passengers their flight was delayed for 86 years
Source: News.com.au
43. Opium-eating wallabies get high, make crop circles
Source: Sydney Morning Herald
44. Zynga sues sex app maker over Bang With Friends name
Source: BBC News
45. Bachmann says Americans worried about “rise of the Soviet Union”
Source: CBS News
46. Guantanamo prisoners clamor for ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’
Source: Reuters
47. Thousands of bees attack Texas couple, kill horses
Source: MSN News
48. Dzhokhar Tsarnaev and his disgusting fangirls
Source: LA Times
49. New teeth grown from urine – study
Source: BBC News
50. Singing ‘Happy Birthday’ makes the cake taste better
Source: NBC News 
