Date The Guy Who Brings You Breakfast In Bed (And Not Just To Get In Your Pants)

He exists, I swear! He’s rare, but he’s out there.

This guy wants to do nice things for you purely because he enjoys doing nice things for you. You will wake up to the gentle scratching of his short nails against your lower back, and you will smile, knowing in your heart that this tenderness isn’t an attempt to lure you into morning sex. You will walk through the door and see the table set for two, with cloth napkins and a candle glowing at center, knowing that he cooked dinner to be kind, and not because he’s on some secret mission to get laid. He will surprise you with a token gift or a midday text to see how you’re doing because he actually cares, not because he’s trying to pamper his way into your pants.

You’ll sense that this guy is different from the start, so you’ll feel confident replying to his messages without consulting friends about what to say or not say, or how to sound funny but not silly, or interested but not clingy. You will sense that he’s not playing games, and that there’s no chance in hell he’ll ghost you. He will make you feel safe. More than that, he will make you feel like you deserve the respect he grants you—simply because you’re a person, and he’s falling for you.

The fact that you’re falling for him too—that you reciprocate his feelings and welcome the warmth of his embrace—will seem like the greatest gift to him.

This guy will understand what being a partner really means. He will want to hear about your day because he’s genuinely interested. He’ll invite you to vent about any frustrations you’re facing at work or school because he truly enjoys listening to anything you have to say, and he will offer to help in any way possible. However, he will understand that you are your own woman, and that you can handle yourself. He’ll provide insights when appropriate, but he won’t swoop in and attempt to save you. He will not view you as a damsel in distress, but an equal—a complex individual with thoughts, feelings, opinions, dreams, and problems all her own that are comparable to his.

As one half of a couple, he will yearn to take on half the burden of day-to-day life, understanding that a relationship is an agreement between two people to ease each other’s burdens as much as possible. He will be someone who believes wholeheartedly that both parties should benefit equally from operating as a team, and that both parties should contribute equally to its functioning. He won’t shy away from running errands or doing household chores. In his eyes, chopping vegetables or folding laundry or mopping floors won’t seem like unmanly tasks, merely opportunities to do his part.

This guy will respect you for the person you are—positive traits, tiny weirdnesses, flaws, and all. He won’t want to change you, so he won’t ever take passive aggressive jabs at your wardrobe choices or your career moves or your two-hour long gossipy conversations with childhood friends. Instead, he will shake his head in appreciation of the melody of your giggle as you chirp away on the phone, and welcome your hilarious recaps. When speaking to his own friends, he won’t disrespect you. He will say only the fondest things about you, and if his deep admiration triggers teasing from a buddy, so be it.

This guy will understand that dating you is a privilege, and that if he sticks around long enough and asks the right questions and pays attention, he will end up a better man for it. He will be the type who aches to grow and conveys that he’s grateful for the chance to do so alongside you. He will be honest and communicative, every gesture sincere rather than manipulative.

He will stand proudly by your side—delighted and overwhelmed to be the lucky man chosen by you.