1. “Vagina to asshole tearing happens!”

— Johanna, 24

2. “Hemorrhoid clusters for a butthole.”

— Jade, 25

3. “Bloody crusty scabs on nipples.”

— Taylor, 21

4. “Crapping myself for an audience.”

— Lauren, 18

5. “Zit blanketed shoulders and back.”

— Nora, 23

6. “Judgment for one fucking drink.”

— Mia, 20

7. “What if it’s an ugly?”

— Carissa, 22

8. “Hotdog down a hallway vagina.”

— Barb, 24

9. “Spawning the next Exorcist child.”

— Julia, 29

10. “Alec Baldwin grade hormonal rages.”

— Samantha, 21

11. “Fisting disguised as birthing massage.”

— Consuela, 23

12. “Swaddling is too fucking complicated.”

— Maya, 24

13. “Baby’s face. My real nose.”

— Frannie, 21

14. “Sex becomes a poke fest.”

— Nina, 26

15. “Pretending to like getting kicked.”

— Claire, 24

16. “Trying to love a parasite.”

— Danielle, 24

17. “Puking daily ain’t my thing.”

— Ashleigh, 25

18. “Getting milked like a cow.”

— Katherine, 25

19. “Looking like an obese person.”

— Kaitlyn, 22

20. “Boobs that balloon, then sag.”

— Ava, 19

21. “Saying bye to getting wasted.”

— Mary, 27

22. “Stomach rubbing by creepy strangers.”

— Carly, 24

23. “Harassment by natural birth advocates.”

— Sally, 28

24. “The question: ‘Will you work?'”

— Arianna, 20

25. “Developing the constant pee problem.”

— Gabriela, 25

26. Stretch marks are downright ugly.”

— Chelsea, 27

27. “The word mommy’s pretty annoying.”

— Meghan, 27

28. “Parents confirming that I fuck.”

— Beth, 20

32. “Stitches in my lady bits.”

— Sydney, 23

28. “Unsolicited advice from other moms.”

— Rory, 27