12 Ridiculous And Gross Celebrity Beauty Regimens That Will Make You Glad You’re Not Famous

1. They get bird poop facials.

Poop is the last place most of us would expect to find the next miracle beauty ingredient. But according to certain skincare experts, there’s something exceptional about nightingale excrement. Reportedly, Victoria Bekham agrees. For $180 at New York’s Shizuka Spa, bird poop aficionados like Beckham can get their faces smothered in an unusual mixture of avian waste over the course of an hour. We only hope they smell okay post treatment.

2. They “train” their waists to look thinner.

Lindsay Lohan is the latest to join the ranks of celebrity waist training enthusiasts like Kim, Khloé, and Kourtney Kardashian. What does “training” your waist entail, exactly? Basically, it means wearing a brace around your midsection that physically squeezes your sides so you can look less human and more hourglass. To us, the idea sounds frighteningly reminiscent of foot-binding, a Chinese custom that involved wrapping young girls’ feet in painfully tight bandages to prevent further growth. And yet, we have to admit that waist training seems a whole lot more reasonable than having your ribs removed to achieve the same end, a la Pamela Anderson.

3. They attach blood sucking leeches to their skin.

To some, leeches are disgusting creatures to be avoided at all costs. But to Demi Moore, they’re mystical worms with phenomenal detoxifying potential. In an interview on The Late Show With David Letterman, Moore described the process of attaching “highly trained medical leeches” to various parts of her figure in an effort to cleanse, which sounds nothing short of horrifying. Whether or not blood-sucking spas are destined to replace organic juice shops remains to be seen.

4. They rub kitty litter on their thighs.

Supposedly, Christie Brinkley advocates the use of kitty litter as a body scrub, which means that your cat’s litter box might just be the key to maintaining desirable thighs. The idea is simple enough: By rubbing the grainy stuff all over your legs, you remove dead skin cells while fighting cellulite. Meow.

5. They rub hemorrhoid cream all over their faces.

Sandra Bullock is one of many performers rumored to rely on hemorrhoid cream to reduce fine lines and the appearance of circles beneath the eyes. As it happens, the method of applying ointment to your cheeks and forehead that’s intended for your butthole is a lot less (ahem) asinine than you might think. This tactic has long been championed by theater actors eager to achieve a youthful on-stage glow, and there’s solid evidence to substantiate their claims. Under-eye bags tend to appear as our skin loses its elasticity, and over-the-counter hemorrhoid creams are designed to tighten skin and minimize swelling by constricting blood vessels.

6. They eat clay.

Divergent star Shailene Woodley believes that clay is “one of the best things you can put in your body.” Why? Because a taxi driver told her so. Plus, she purports that it “bonds to negative isotopes…and helps clean heavy metals out of your body.”

7. They freeze themselves.

Former football player turned life coach Tony Robbins is a huge proponent of chryotherapy, a super expensive process that involves standing in a cylindrical, sauna type structure filled with nitrogen. After three minutes, your body temperature drops to negative 220 degrees Fahrenheit, which sounds extremely dangerous, except that the lack of moisture prevents you from freezing to death. Advocates like Robbins swear by routine chryotherapy as a way to stimulate endorphins and increase energy. Is Robbins’ permanent ear-to-ear grin proof of this odd strategy’s effectiveness? Maybe.

8. They bathe in red wine.

According to The Black Book of Hollywood Secrets, Terri Hatcher attributes her soft smooth skin to bathing regularly in red wine. Allegedly, you just have to pour one cup of fermented grape juice in the tub before stepping in. The upside here seems obvious: You’re left with three-quarters of a bottle to slug while you relax and let the warm (nutritious?) liquid seep into your pores.

9. They eat cotton balls dipped in orange juice.

According to Eddie Murphy’s daughter Bria, a leggy 20-something who’s starred in several beauty campaigns and appeared in Maxim magazine, models today are turning to the “cotton ball diet” to stay thin. Adherents swallow OJ-soaked cotton in place of consuming actual food so they can feel full without actually ingesting any calories. As you might guess, this practice is terrible for you.

10. They wash their hair with bottled water.

What do Kim Basinger and Demi Moore have in common, besides impressive career longevity and a couple of failed marriages? Shiny hair! What’s more, rumor has it that each of these leading ladies achieves the impossibly lustrous look by rinsing her locks with bottled water. For those of us hesitant to spend yet more money on a hair care program, it’s worth asking: Does filtered water do the trick?

11. They refuse to eat anything except purple food.

Several sources have reported that Mariah Carey embraced the “purple foods diet” to shed her baby weight after giving birth. The theory behind the diet—which encourages people to sustain themselves by consuming only lilac colored edibles—is rooted in the fact that plums, blueberries, purple potatoes and beets contain powerful anti-oxidants called anthocyanins. Anthocyanins are known to protect cells from damage and are believed to have anti-aging benefits. I guess we’ll have to wait and see how wrinkly Mariah gets in the next few years.

12. They clean their teeth with crushed up strawberries.

Apparently, Catherine Zeta-Jones is a fan of brushing her teeth with a concoction made from baking soda and crushed strawberries. This “natural” DIY teeth whitening strategy is endorsed by the likes of Dr. Oz, who claims that strawberries contain an astringent, which helps in the removal of surface stains, as well as Vitamin C, which clears plaque. Unfortunately for would-be berry brushers everywhere, scientists have noted that the delicious red cone-shaped fruits also contain a high concentration of citric acid, which can really weaken tooth enamel.