Please Don’t Hurt Me

So you’re the next boy that’s going to love me? Awesome, I can’t wait to meet you. But before we meet, before we fall in love and create our story and share memories and laughs and tears and screams and kisses, I just ask one thing of you. Please don’t hurt me.

I beg you, please don’t hurt me. Because yes, I am a tough girl and yes, I do put on a face that says don’t mess with me. Yes, I do tell everyone that I like my coffee as black as my soul and I don’t let my heart break and it takes a lot to make me cry. But I’ll let you in on a secret.

Don’t tell anyone, okay? I’m extremely vulnerable. Gasp.

Please understand this, every relationship I’ve been in so far has ended in hurt and pain and tears. I don’t act like it bothered me, but at 3 a.m. when I can’t sleep and I think about my friends and how happy they are in relationships, it bothers me. The hurt from the past comes back. And when I have a bad day and need a hug or someone to talk to and tell me it’s all okay, it bothers me. Because rejection tells me I’m not good enough, and I wasn’t good enough to keep the relationship going and I’m not worth the fight to win back.

I’m not worth the effort. I’m pretty but there’s no point in coming back because I’m not that pretty, I’m nothing special. I catch an eye but only for a moment.

So please understand that this is where I’m coming from. Please understand that it’s hard for me to believe your sweet, sugary words and it’s hard for me to believe that the look in your eyes is real love. It’s hard for me to believe that you truly want to get to know me and this wasn’t a dare or a joke or a bet. It’s hard for me to believe that in a few months, after I’ve told you a few secrets and given you a few reasons why I am who I am, that you’ll want to stay.

It’s hard for me to believe that you look at all these other girls and then look at me and still think I’m pretty and someone you want to chase. It’s hard for me to look at myself standing next to everyone else and see any reason why I would be chosen out of the crowd.

So I beg of you, if this isn’t real then please don’t play games with my heart. It isn’t fun to have my heart thrown around like a ball. You may be an athlete, you may love the game, but this isn’t one that you can win. This isn’t one that you can try to break records in or get a trophy. This is my beating and living heart and it can be broken easily.

Please understand there’s more to me than just meets the eye. Please understand I have substance and I really do cry sometimes. Below the surface is a girl who’s been hurt, a girl who is looking for a moment when she won’t get hurt, a girl who is looking for someone that will wipe her tears, a girl who is looking for someone who won’t hurt her. Will you be that someone?