What I Hold In My Heart To Keep It Beating
Some days it is hard to see the forest for the trees, impossible to spot the sunshine tucked behind the clouds. My life can sometimes seem so overwhelmingly dim, my heart sometimes sinks to my feet. In those moments of suffocating darkness when my desire to live is waning, it becomes increasingly important to dig deep and find something to grab my attention and bring me back to life. So, here they are: my five favorite sensations, or the best experiences of living I’ve ever known.
That feeling when someone says, “I love you.”
My body becomes bubbly, like a carbonated soda when shaken. I can hear and feel my heart, making my chest appear heavy, yet somehow everything is light, and I feel as if I could fly. I can’t help but smile and blush, my face shows the just a portion of the joy within my soul. I often wish that I could bottle these feelings to open back up later when the moment is gone and I’m feeling alone again.
The sensation of ice cream in my mouth.
I love the chill, the way it just flows down your throat. I love to eat it slowly, really allowing my tongue the pleasures of the taste and feel. My brain slows, my muscles settle, my heart begins to relax. It satisfies even the heaviest of emotions, glazing everything over with an icy, sweet salvation that makes life tolerable again.
The sound of a live orchestra.
The walls melt away, leaving me surrounded by the harmonious life blood of strings, winds, brass, drums. My emotions become one with the music, meaning the roller coaster becomes a tame and tolerable ride. My body craves to move, to be one with the rhythm and the melody, to express all that the instruments convey.
The comfort of an embrace.
The loneliness that haunts me always melts away when someone gives a hug, especially a true, fully committed embrace. My pain in my heart subsides, like the calm after a storm. Somehow, being held makes me feel safe and protected. It removes the constant emptiness and longing to die that I feel inside. It makes me feel wanted, desired, beloved.
The look of laughter on the face of someone I love.
The sound brings warmth to my heart, but the expressions on their faces make it truly wonderful. I stare, soaking in the dimples, the formation of the muscles, the way their eyes either light up or squint. I can’t help but smile, regardless if I am the one that prompted the laughing or not. My heart soars and I float on air just from knowing that these people who are such an important part of my life are happy, giggly, amused.
It can become entirely too easy to become immersed in depression, drowning in the darkness of your own thoughts. But, it is important to always have a few things you hold dear to your heart, spells that can be cast to protect you in those stormy times and keep you safe and dry. I hope to never lose these things that I love, these reasons to always live, these treasures that get me out of bed most days. [tc-mark
