What Kind Of Whore Will I Be For Halloween This Year?
By 
Mat Devine
You’re not like the other girls.
In your circle of friends and Instagram devotees, you’re admired for your independent spirit and penchant for #highfashion.
In terms of personal style, the one word that comes to mind is daring-fearless-risk-taker; which is why you studied at #Parsons, where even the Dean once said you have, “a certain presence”; and he knows fucking everyone.
You’re not 21 anymore.
You’re spiritually enlightened. Last month you semi-dated a Hindi, bought your own #kombucha brewing kit, and even ducked the Breaking Bad finale… because… fuck that. TV is #toxic.
It’s been a long time since you were fired for vomiting on Ralph Lauren’s polar bear rug on Labor Day, and practically no one even remembers you moving back to Palo Alto with your parents where you were on #suicidewatch for 3 months. In fact, you emerged classier, sophisticated-er and more seasoned. #Reinvented
You actually lived in Paris (for a semester), “not like those other sluts.”
Face it, you’re a #TRUEORIGINAL, and with that comes high praise, but also big pressure.
THE HOLIDAY:
All Hallow’s Eve; a thrilling night of intrigue, mystery and, per chance,… romance?
THE AGENDA:
Invitations started flooding in since #Milan but you’ve narrowed down the list to only the most #eliteevents. You’ll make fleeting cameos at the office bash and the big #supercorporatebullshit Masquerade blowout; but then it’s on to the private penthouse dinner party with Keith Richard’s alleged stepson (who #fingerblasted you last week and had #toomuchfun together so why the hell is he icing you on text?).
THE COSTUME:
You recognize the tantalizing fact that despite being a #247fashionplate, this is the one time of the year where you can truly express yourself. #onlygodcanjudge
The city is your stage, so create an audacious persona; a unique character to enchant, delight, or even frighten!
After all, you’re an ARTIST. Your body is your most precious canvas, so let’s paint a masterpiece. #MakeaStatement #daVinci #McQueen
No last-minute, store-bought, off-the-rack nonsense. Go custom. #Putintheeffort. Hey, you can even learn from the #asiangradstudents and make it #modular to avoid hypothermia or heatstroke (depending on the weather), or in case you end up smoking on the veranda with Jules again all fucking night.
It couldn’t hurt to show a little skin. Even though your #assholeex broke up with you the day he left on tour, you’ve still been doing #90degreeBikram 1-4 times a week. #warrior
Come Monday morning there will be “so sad looking” #wigsinthegutters, and sidewalks strewn with flattened #candycorns and #barf; But while the enchantment and magic of the evening will cruelly vanish, the photos will last a lifetime.
So, with the weekend fast approaching, there’s only ONE CRUCIAL QUESTION to ask yourself:
“What kind of WHORE will I be this year?”
Nurse whore?
Cowboy whore?
Devil whore?
Angel whore?
Retro 70’s whore?
Outer Space whore?
Nerd whore?
Cop whore?Whore whore? 
