5 Crucial Truths About Heartbreak

1. Crying really is okay.

It took me accidentally breaking down in front of a therapist to realize that there is no shame in a couple of tears. Sometimes, when you hold it in for too long, your body does weird things. Your anxiety levels spike, you feel sick to your stomach, dizzy. Crying isn’t about being weak, and it isn’t about being strong. It’s not about you as a person, even. It’s just about your grief and frustrations finding an outlet that happens to be a physiological one.

2. Sometimes making yourself do things that you’d rather die than do, helps.

Take running, for example. I try to exercise every day, because at some point when you’re out of breath, still maintaining your speed, your strength, and feeling the most agile, and oddly graceful you’ve ever felt in your life, in your baggy t-shirt, with the sweat decorating your brow, you get a glimpse of relief. It doesn’t last, but it’s there, and it doesn’t matter whether or not it’s a lasting thing, because nothing’s a lasting thing, and that’s not the point.

3. Do something you love.

It’s difficult to continue with the things you love when you feel like you’re breaking, but if you really love it, you can do it. Regardless of everything else around you, force yourself to forget through art, through a hobby, through anything that once made your nerves sing, and your hair stand on end. Try to remember those feelings, because at the end of the day, feelings are all we have. And we must seek our own loves out.

4. Feel the bad feelings, and the good ones.

I used to shirk the terrible ones, hide them away in a corner of myself that I made almost completely inaccessible. But it is accessible, and will eventually rear it’s ugly head, regardless of how much self control you have, how much you drink, how many friends you have, how much you distract yourself with other things. But these feelings should only be felt some of the time. Let yourself feel them, and then put them away for a little while. Take turns with them, because there’s only so much badness you can feel at once.

5. Don’t sulk and don’t become bitter.

It’s useless, and will only hurt you. The days will go by. Afternoons are the worst for me — they stretch themselves out and sometimes I find myself staring into space with dry eyes. But it passes; it always does. Find a thought that is beautiful, and tell yourself that you’ll feel better some day. Memory can be a blessing and a curse — it does not do to dwell for too long on something you have no control over. Healing isn’t about Band-Aids, because however tempting, they’re always, always temporary. Let yourself be held, if you have a holder. And if you don’t, that’s okay too, because you love yourself; you must always remember to love yourself.