The Truth About Nostalgia

I hit the replay button.

I start to wonder what it is that we could have done differently. I always have hopes for us and I never really did once give up on you. But you see, that’s where it all went wrong. When I kept fighting for you, I messed up Little Miss Sunshine in me. Maybe that’s what I should have done differently… I should have fought for myself instead.

I hit the replay button.

It makes me happy when I think of the good things… when I remember you, the person who was always in love with me no matter what the circumstances were. ‘Always’ was our thing. We were Chuck and Blair, weren’t we? I couldn’t think of any other fictional couple that would describe the beauty of our dysfunctional love. Yet the thing is it destroyed every part of me as much as it did to you. And we should have known better, but we were stupid to think we could defy reality.

I hit the replay button.

I wanted to call you today. I wanted to be around you at all times. And then I wanted to just wake up one day and not feel a single thing for you anymore. Everything that transpired between us had taken its toll on me. I am part extreme and I was never in a steady mood whenever I hear from you. But no matter how much I try to convince you, we always end up with you realizing we were wrong for each other, and me having my heart broken into pieces again. How many times should I go through this? How many times until all the hopes I have manage to escape my grasp?

I hit the replay button.

The love was real, the love was evident. As I go through all the things that links me to you, I start to plead the universe to make everything go away. I have never been this desperate to forget about you, but I can no longer take all the crying and emotional damage. I wish I have the ability to not miss you and remember how your hand used to hold mine. I wish I can make my stubborn heart not long for you anymore.

I hit the replay button.

I look at the blank page in front of me as my mind think of something to write about. Of course, you’re the first thought I have… but I want this to be the last time I’ll write about you. We should have not seen each other again. We should have stopped all the communication and we should have stand our ground when we said our goodbyes. But you always know how to make me open my doors for you again, and then you leave every part of me burning into ashes. I never thought I’d see the day that I’ll start to feel sorry for myself for loving you this much. My heart and soul deserve someone who would not destroy them at first touch. You have always been a lovely dream waiting to turn into a nightmare. I know this all too well, I just never learn.

I hit the replay button again, but then this time I press stop as soon as it begins.

Some reruns will exhaust you. Some scenes are not worth watching anymore. And most of the time, some stories are not supposed to be replayed at all.

Here’s to the last time that nostalgia will ever walk my way.