Marisa Samuel

My having a son did not change how I feel about bad men. Because I have no intention to raise a bad man. 

Many have told me I am selfish. That I should do it “for the kids” or to “save face.” But I am not swayed. Why should I give up my name and take yours? I have yet to get an answer aside from, “just because.” But you didn’t fall in love with a “just because” woman.

If you knew today was the last day your parents would be alive, you would try to relive every moment with them.

Every mother’s day since the incident, I think of how close I came to not having a mother anymore.

I think we dreamed of loving people like each other our whole lives.

If at any point you understood
The fire burrowed in my stare,
it should have given you answers
for all your questions about love.

now I’m cold and hollow
but I still look at you with the depth and warmth 

Take those words off and discard them like old clothes. They don’t fit you anymore. They never did, they just made you feel safe.

I value a man for the things that he provides to my body and soul, the things that can’t be bought or manufactured. I value loyalty, compassion, a will to try, passion.

Your lies and deceit made me realize how much I valued myself, my body, and the right to leave a situation that puts either in danger.

And I did hurt you, didn’t I? There were days I felt you thinking of me from miles away. Those days, I knew you replayed in your head every seemingly loving word I said. You wondered if I had a heart.

You were a good actress, pretending to be burnt by the heat of the tea. You still are a great actress, pretending you don’t feel tired. You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You told me that the weight you carry was carried by your mother, and her mother before her.