What It Means To Love A Girl Who’s Fiercely Independent

A girl that’s fiercely independent is a girl that’s grown up believing in her strength. She has learned that she is bold, that she is powerful, that her words carry weight. She has learned that she is a force to be reckoned with when she’s standing on her own two feet, or when she must decide, for herself, what she wants.

She is not proud, but she does carry herself well. She walks with her head held high because she doesn’t believe in needing people to save her; she has always been strong enough to save herself.

When you fall for a girl that’s fiercely independent, you will be frustrated. See, she’s used to doing things for herself and by herself. She’s used to following her own rules, making her own decisions, being selfish with her time. It will take a bit for her to get used to putting someone else first, to molding her life to shape both yours and hers together.

Don’t get me wrong, she won’t have trouble loving you, but she might, at first struggle to let you in.

See, a girl that’s fiercely independent has learned to trust herself. She has learned who she is through falling down and picking herself back up. She has found her niche in the world, paving her own way, presenting her smile, her laugh, her sense of self to whoever she meets.

She isn’t used to balancing herself with another person.
She isn’t used to needing someone, or allowing them to help.

This fiercely independent girl is fine with figuring things out on her own, and only when she’s completely failed does she lean on anyone else. She’s used to walking fast, used to spending her own money, used to opening her own doors and hogging all the pillows and blankets in bed.

She’s not used to someone else by her side, loving her, wanting to support her, wanting her to be a little less fierce and a little more of his.

When you love a girl that’s fiercely independent, you learn your limits. You learn patience. You learn that sometimes stubbornness must be challenged, and sometimes it must be met with silence.

When you love a girl that’s fiercely independent, you learn that you can love her without changing her, but you still show her how wonderful it can be to be taken care of. And you learn that a woman’s strength does not, in any way lessen yours.

A girl that’s fiercely independent will drive you crazy. She will drive you crazy because she won’t let you do everything for her. She won’t let you cater to her every need. She won’t let you pay for every date. She sometimes won’t let you be the manly-man, the savior, the strong suitor that you so desperately want to be for her. It’s not on purpose; it’s just because she’s used to being her own savior.

See, it’s not easy for her to trust that you’ll be there to catch her, or that she should let you catch her when she’s perfectly fine catching herself.

When you love a woman like her, a woman who is capable and confident, a woman who glows with her own sense of self, know that it will be a challenge. Know that she is tough, that she can be stubborn, that she can, and probably will, push your buttons.

Know that she’s used to being on her own, not quite used to being cared for in the way that you care for her.

But know that this woman, this strong, passionate, driven woman, is the woman who will learn to love you with her whole heart. And even if she finds strength in her independence, she will learn an even greater strength in letting you in.

Marisa Donnelly is a poet and author of the book, Somewhere on a Highway, available here.