I Am Not A ‘Netflix And Chill’ Kind Of Girl

I am not just a ‘Netflix and chill’ kind of girl. Not the ‘Hey babe, come over now that it’s 3AM and I’m bored and lonely.’ Not the ‘close the door and make-out with me during this entire movie.’ Not the ‘let’s sit and watch thirty-five back-to-back episodes of Orange is the New Black and share this box of pizza’ type. No.

I am the kind of girl that wants you to take me on a crazy adventure…to the backyard. Push me on the tree swing and tell me about your life, your hometown, your high school best friend. Let’s take a walk around the block. Let’s skip rocks on the pond. Let’s get in your car and go to a playground, take turns sliding down the slides. Let’s just play music and drive.

Entertain my mind. Tell me something that makes you happy, like when you hit that two-run triple that won the state championship or when you taught your little brother how to fish. Let’s build a campfire. Let’s play cards, write a bucket list, compare the size of our big toes.

Take me somewhere. On a vacation. A trip to South Beach, a flight to Miami for Ultra Music Festival, a ticket to the Minnesota State Fair. Spoil me. But not always. I’m not a needy girl.

Take me to the little hole-in-the-wall Chinese restaurant on 53rd and James. To the drive in movie theatre thirty miles out of town. I want adventures with you. I want memories. I want us to look back through albums of pictures, me on your lap, your one hand on my hip and the other pointing to the photograph of us on the ledge of the Grand Canyon, my smile stretched across my face like a little kid’s.

I don’t want your money. I really just want your time. I don’t mind cuddling on the couch for a movie. And I don’t mind pizza, especially when it’s pepperoni, sausage, and onion, but I don’t want the same routine. I don’t want the TV over the sound of your voice. I don’t want to have this meaningless connection with you, an embrace that means nothing. A night together with no promise of a future.

Some days I am content just lying next to you. Not saying anything. Just feeling your heartbeat and mine, letting my mind wander to future dates, future memories, future adventures. I don’t always want something crazy. Some nights I just want to be around you and friends, laughing and throwing back beers.

I’m not the kind of girl you can call when you’re lonely. The girl you know you can text and she’ll always pick up. The girl that you can hold until you fall asleep then do the same thing tomorrow. The girl who will just sit and watch shows with you, day after day, night after night. The girl you want to kiss, but not keep.

No, I’m not just a ‘Netflix and chill’ type of girl. I want to hear about the little things that make you, you. Your biggest regret, how dandelions make your nose itchy, that your favorite season is fall, or the time you broke your toe riding your best friend’s bicycle in fuzzy slippers.

I want you to challenge me. Change my view on politics, on religion. Teach me how to fix a flat tire, how to say ‘hello’ in six different languages, how to dribble a soccer ball.

I don’t want to be bored by you. I don’t to be just a hookup to you. I want to spend my life making adventures with you. Carving our initials into tree bark and mountain sides, buying fifty-cent post cards from every gas station in the U.S. and mailing them to ourselves, trying beer in every country, collecting sand from each beach we’ve walked on.

I want to go to bed every night exhausted. Wake up every morning renewed. I want to chase dreams with you. I want to be the reason you feel young, the reason you love life. I want to be more than just the girl you’ve seen every television episode with, or the girl you invite over when it’s night and you’re lonely.

Don’t get me wrong. I will watch movies with you, a bucket of caramel corn between us, my head snuggled against your chest, our legs intertwined. I will build forts in the living room, dress in my comfiest baggy clothes, have marathons of Breaking Bad and consume copious amounts of junk food. I will kiss you. I will talk to you until we’re both so tired we fall asleep mid-sentence. These things will make me happy, too.

But not as exciting as living our lives. Not the same as sharing memories and moments as good—even better—than what’s on the television screen. Better than a one-night stand, so meaningless, so empty.

I don’t want temporary, I want something that stays.

Marisa Donnelly is a poet and author of the book, Somewhere on a Highway, available here.