15 Sex Workers Describe The Funniest Thing A Client Has Ever Asked Them To Do

Answers found on Ask Reddit

1. “A guy used to pay me to watch me get professional massages. That’s it. Nothing sexual. The masseuse would come to the house and the client would sit in the corner and watch. He wouldn’t even touch himself. It was amazing. Best gig ever. I miss it sometimes.”

2. “Not me but a friend. She is a professional cuddler (160.00/hr) that has a man that pays her to come to his home office on Mondays while he makes his cold calls for the week. She sits behind him and holds him all cuddly like the whole hour. She comes every week and his sales have gone through the roof! He told her he used to dred this part of the job and was full of anxiety before she started coming.”

3. “I have a regular with a Mickey/Donald role play fetish.”

4. “Hog tie him and ignore him for two hours. Easiest money I’ve ever made.”

5. “I’m not a sex worker but one friend I had was. She had a Web show and someone just wanted her to grate cheese. She grated cheese for like 45 minutes…”

6. “Stripped through uni. I had one customer who found out I did martial arts, and he booked the VIP room just so we could wrestle BJJ style. I had another regular who had a tickle fetish (we all called him Elmo), and Elmo would book 3 girls for an hour, take a 10 or so minute break, and do it all again a 3 or 4 times. You got to take your click-clacks off, put your comfy shirt on over your lingerie, and tickle him. That was it. Elmo was the best and easiest money I’d ever made.”

7. “My roommate is an escort she once had a guy pay her to pretend to rub pink insulation on her and say  ‘I’m soooo itchy’ while the guy jerked off.”

8. “There is an older lady in our congregation who did cage dancing and all sorts of other interesting jobs for money back in the 60’s and 70’s. Her funniest story about her previous line of work was about people who had diaper fetishes. She said they would often just ask her to put adult sized diapers on and roll around and act like a baby. One of the guys was the owner of one of the banks in the city. She said she just started laughing when she saw him and couldn’t stop and had to leave if he was there.”

9. “I had a fetish client who wanted me to waterboard him in my toilet. I thought I’d be skeeved out by it, but it was actually really fun.”

10. “My friend was a phone sex operator and had a guy that wanted her to giggle for like an hour. She watched cat memes.”

11. “Sploshing booking. I ground a sponge cake into this guys face with my ass while pouring custard on his dick and jerking him off, before doing bodyslides with custard all over us. Neither of us could stand on the tiled floor afterwards because we’d covered it with so much slippery food.”

12. “I used to be a professional dominatrix and have a lot of stories, but one of the weirdest was an extremely pushy fart fetishist who wanted me to use a bicycle pump to fill myself up with air so I could fart super hard in his face. I turned him down. Then he asked me out and was GENUINELY MYSTIFIED as to why I turned him down.”

13. “I had a client who’s a very successful software engineer for a very big tech company. His social skills are non-existent, but he’s a nice person and, I mean, he pays in full at the beginning of the appointment and he’s polite and hygienic and never complains about having to wear a condom, and, shit, that’s basically my dream client. He came to my apartment for an appointment (this was like our fourth time) saw that I had a Roomba in the corner on its charging base. I’d just bought it like a week prior. He literally squealed and insisted that I start it up so he could watch. So I turned it on, and then stepped into the bedroom to change into lingerie, expecting him to watch it for a minute and get bored, and then come into the bedroom.

Nope.

This… this fucking nerd spent two fucking hours watching this stupid robot bounce around my apartment, scooping up literally no dust because I’d run it earlier that day. He fucking loved it. I slinked out of the bedroom and stepped into the living room and sat on the couch, while he walked around, tailing the little robot as it wandered around my apartment. For a few minutes, it kinda annoyed me that this was happening. Like, dude, I spent a lot of time getting ready for this, and you’re more entertained by a robot vacuum cleaner? But after like 10 minutes, I just started chuckling to myself. I think it’s really funny to imagine me in lingerie with a full face of makeup and perfect hair, just sitting on the edge of the couch waiting for this nerd to get his fill of the Roomba.

We didn’t even have sex. I actually let him stay like half an hour longer than normal (very unusual for me) and then he left and we scheduled another appointment. I see him every two weeks now (approximately) and he still needs to see the Roomba run for a few minutes before we do anything else. It’s pretty cute, and I think it’s pretty fun to watch it with him. Sometimes we hold hands while we watch it bounce around. It’s very intimate. Our palms are raw with desire.”

14. “I’m trying to think of more. I once got a request from a potential client to not take a shower for four days before meeting him (no thanks). I also once had a guy ask if we could have a threesome with his twin brother (nope!). Those aren’t fun, but I think they’re pretty funny.”

15. “Back in South America I once had a client pay me to wear lederhosen and yodel deep into his anus while he sang Edelweiss naked on all fours. I think he was some big shot Nazi war criminal. He stopped coming back after a few years.”