Maria Monrovia

Go shawty, it’s sherbert day! You’re another day older, another day wiser, and, thanks to this list of birthday puns, another day funnier, too! Happy birthday to you! Celebrate with some dope puns about birthdays because laughter is the greatest gift… Even if you’re laughing at goofy birthday puns. 1. Why are you always warmest […]

“The Tamam Shud case. Unknown body found on an Australian beach. No sign of foul play or drowning and had a strange coded message in his pocket.”

“I dropped my goggles and was trying to reach down in the river and grab it but I pulled out a sheep skull by its sockets.”

“We were planning a threesome as a surprise for you and decided to test it first.”

Volunteer for something you believe in. Guaranteed people with similar values around, automatic conversation starter, and worst case scenario, you make the world a little bit better.

My cousin looked down in the canal and say a really nice jacket floating along and being a weird scavenger person decided to reach in to fish it out. Well, the jacket turned over. And so did the man wearing it. He also had no face left.

“Women who can definitely kick my ass but wouldn’t because they’re nice.”

“Guards can and will withhold medical treatment.”

Fishing out the pube from your mouth after going down on someone.

“I realized I had always had these underlying assumptions that people of other races were ‘different’ than me. And then I realized they aren’t.”

It’s okay to make mistakes. We are all human and are not perfect.

“This guy walks in and is immediately jumped by 4 dudes. One guy takes out the metal strip to a safety razor and precedes to cut this dude’s fucking ear off.”

Talking shit about mutual friends when they’re not around.

“I invited her over to hang out. She was already outside my place waiting for the call.”

Bragging about how being an asshole is just “who you are.”

“When he screamed at me, in front of all our friends, over a game of Pictionary.”

“Advice is amazing. Advice is helpful. Advice can be life changing. But more often than not, people have to figure things out for themselves.”

“Had one to get married at 30. I got married before that and I don’t think my friend took it well.”