Maria Erickson

Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD, psychotic features, delusional. Words that you don’t hear often. Unless, of course, you’re a patient in a psychiatric hospital…or a professional in one. Me? I’ve been both.

I’m a human. I’m selfish. Having my child was selfish of me, just like having an abortion would have been. I chose what way I was going to be selfish, and that’s okay.

Raising a child being 19, single, and in college is the most controversial thing I’ve ever decided to do. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and it will also be the most rewarding.

I found my seat in the back row. I wanted to see, but didn’t want people to see me. It made me uncomfortable when people saw me cry.

I still remember telling my mother, the woman who thought her little girl was an angel, that I was a drug addict and needed to go to inpatient treatment. “I don’t want to get high anymore,” I told her, “but I can’t stop.”

Yes, you’ll feel like an awful person. That comes with the territory.

That doesn’t excuse what I did to you. I knew where our relationship would go if I even put myself in that situation. I knew how you would feel about me, and how I would feel about myself

There will be times where she’s sitting on the floor bawling, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. She doesn’t want to be touched, or reassured, she just wants to cry. Let her.