It May Have Ended Here, But I Still Keep You In My Heart

Distance. Timing.

These are the words Taylor Swift has described as Sad Beautiful Tragic, in one of the best breakup songs she wrote this decade. And I couldn’t agree more. Because somehow, there’s truth in it.

Somehow, these are the words that pushed us away and eventually, we grew apart from each other.

If it wasn’t because of the distance, do you think you would’ve stayed?

If the timing was right, do you think our love will remain?

These are the questions that have been running through my head these past few days as I was reflecting before this year comes to a close.

What a sad, beautiful, and tragic love story we had.

It was the kind of feeling that comes from knowing that there were you and I against the world, and there was this magical love keeping us together despite the what-ifs and whatnots. But somehow along the way, we got lost and gave up finding our way to each other.

There were no big fights or actual tragedies that happened. But just from knowing we failed to make it work and didn’t last until the end was enough of a heartbreak for me. We had so much potential. We cared for each other, shared warm conversations, waited patiently for our time to make things happen, and fought against distance for so long.

But look where we are now. We are at the precipice of a sad farewell instead of a happy-ever-after fairytale ending. And I realized it’s true how Pablo Neruda wrote the saddest lines, love is so short, forgetting is so long. I no longer love you that’s certain, but maybe, deep down…I still do.

Because in hindsight, it may have ended here, but the love we shared will remain. I wanted to forget you, but I’m sorry I will never fully forget.

Love only happens with chosen people in your lifetime, and forever is not enough to show them how intense your emotions could be, because the truth is love only lasts a few weeks, months, or years. People aren’t always lucky to experience it infinitely with someone dear to them. But when it ends the memories they leave behind will always stay.

It may have ended here – how my heart yearns for your love and my dreams are haunted by you – but deep inside I know it was a lie I made for myself to heal all the wounds you left. It was my way of convincing myself that it was done and missing you shouldn’t be an option. Because in retrospect, if I see you now, and if we ever get our second chance, I’d love you as much as I can and would never give you up – despite the anxieties for my future with you.

I will never forget the kind of love that’s born from our naked truths and sincerity – how you keep prioritizing others over yourself, or how you’re terrified of not being enough for someone you love.

It may have ended here – I may have learned how to clear my head of all traces of you, ease up my feelings for you, but over time I know everything will resurface. I’m scared that it’ll happen the moment I live again and find love again. It is terrifying enough how much power it holds over me because what we had was the kind of love that’s left undone, with so many what-ifs we tried to act upon but only failed miserably.

I will never forget you because here’s the truth: part of me has never really wanted to. It’s not because I can’t live without you, because I know for sure I will, and you know that, too. But it’s hard to let go because I don’t want to forget all the times when I felt so alive with the way you made me feel special. Despite the pain and tears, I want to carry everything to the end because our love was real.

It may have ended here, but one thing is for sure. I will look back in happiness that I’ve met someone like you.

It may have ended here, but I will be grateful for the way you treated me like I was your precious gem, for all the memories we shared, and the lessons I’ve learned thereafter. Our future may still be unknown for now, but I will always include you in my prayers, wishing you only wonderful things in life.

I will never cease to remember the good things you did for me, because not everyone who leaves must be forgotten. Not all parting ways are bitter, and most especially, not every person comes and goes.

Sometimes, our relationship with people ends, but how they made us feel remains and they forever stay as part of our lives.

Some people may be passersby, but I guess you should know that there will always – always – be a special place for you in my heart, and no one can ever take that away.