Serial Killer Albert Fish’s Letter To The Parents Of His Victim

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If you know anything about Albert Fish, let it be that he was one sick fuck (and that’s putting it lightly.) His resumé includes child abduction, rape, murder, and cannibalism — and in a move that proved his utter depravity, he celebrated his final kill by sending a letter to victim Grace Budd’s grieving parents.

In it, he describes rampant child cannibalism during his time in China, a friend who turned him on to the curiosity of tasting human flesh, and exactly how he abducted her daughter (the details of which ultimately lead to his capture.) Fish then goes on to tell Mrs. Budd how her child’s life ended. FAIR WARNING — THIS IS EXTREMELY GRAPHIC AND NOT FOR THE WEAK OF HEART:

I went upstairs and stripped all my clothes off. I knew if I did not I would get her blood on them. When all was ready I went to the window and called her. Then I hid in a closet until she was in the room. When she saw me all naked she began to cry and tried to run down stairs. I grabbed her and she said she would tell her mama. First I stripped her naked. How she did kick – bite and scratch. I choked her to death then cut her in small pieces so I could take my meat to my rooms, cook and eat it. How sweet and tender her little ass was roasted in the oven. It took me 9 days to eat her entire body.

Thankfully, as I said, Fish was apprehended and executed by electric chair. His victim count stands at anywhere from 3 to more than 9.

A List Of All The Weird Ways People Have Died Over The Years

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Just in case you didn’t have enough ways to worry about shuffling from this mortal coil, some psychopath has gathered an extensive collection of unusual deaths, going back as far as 620 BC (Draco, who suffocated under a pile of gifts thrown on top of him by citizens) and all the way up to the 21st century (Edward Archbold, who choked to death on bugs during a cockroach-eating contest.)

Other stand-out deaths include having your neck broken when your scarf catches on a car wheel, overdosing on carrot juice, having your face smashed in by an airborne fire hydrant, and being bitten by a severed cobra head. I’ll not be leaving the safety of my home for the next six months, thank you very much.

The Reason Domino’s Character “The Noid” Disappeared

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If you’re old like me you might remember The Noid, a cartoon character created by Domino’s Pizza in the 1980s. He was supposed to be the personification of being “annoyed” (get it? A Noid? Hahahahaha not really though) when your pizza wasn’t delivered in 30 minutes or less because we had our priorities straight in the 80s. What happened to him? Was he phased out due to poor reception? Did they come up with a new marketing campaign to replace him?

Nope. A mentally ill customer, Kenneth Lamar Noid, decided that these commercials were out to get him specifically. In retaliation, in January of 1989, he took two Domino’s workers hostage, forcing them to make him a pizza and demanding $100,000, among other things. After over five hours, Noid surrendered to police, and eventually committed suicide in 1995.

This Entry About Humans (That Was Definitely Written By Something Not Human)

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I can’t even read too much of this one, it freaks me out too badly. It’s so clinical and cold, it literally sounds like teaching material to some interstellar academy full of aliens preparing to take us out. I mean, just look at this:

The human body’s ability to adapt to different environmental stresses is remarkable, allowing humans to acclimatize to a wide variety of temperatures, humidity, and altitudes. As a result, humans are a cosmopolitan species found in almost all regions of the world, including tropical rainforests, arid desert, extremely cold arctic regions, and heavily polluted cities. Most other species are confined to a few geographical areas by their limited adaptability.

I WANT TO BELIEVE.

The Tragedy of Green Boots

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While I admire anyone who’s brave enough to scale Mount Everest, I honestly can’t imagine why anyone would. It sounds cold and dangerous and just plain awful. There are over 200 bodies littered across Everest’s rocky crags, the most famous of them being dubbed simply “Green Boots” due to his notable green boots. There are a few theories on who Green Boots may be but ultimately he remains unidentified.

I’m not sure what creeps me out more: the idea of dying cold and alone on that mountaintop or the fact that for years people used his body as a trail marker of sorts. However, as of 2014, Green Boots is missing from the trail — hopefully buried, so he could be laid to rest.

A Roller Coaster Designed To Kill People

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Why does this blueprint even exist?! Can we destroy it, please, before it’s used for pure evil?! I’m scared of roller coasters that function NORMALLY.

This nightmare was designed in 2010 by PhD candidate Julijonas Urbonas as a method of “euthanasia” or “execution.” Now, I’m not one to argue that “Euthanasia Roller Coaster” isn’t an amazing band name (because it is) but what even inspires someone to come up with a machine like this? And here’s the terrifying way it works:

The Euthanasia Coaster would kill its passengers through prolonged cerebral hypoxia, or insufficient supply of oxygen to the brain. The ride’s seven inversions would inflict 10 g on its passengers for 60 seconds – causing g-force related symptoms starting with gray out through tunnel vision to black out and eventually g-LOC (g-force induced loss of consciousness). Subsequent inversions would serve as insurance against unintentional survival of particularly robust passengers.

Why, Julijonas? WHY?

The Mystery of Mary Jane Barker

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In 1957, four-year-old Mary Jane Barker went missing after being spotted playing in her front yard. Less than a week later, after a massive manhunt, she was found by accident behind a closed closet door in a vacant newly-built house nearby where she’d gone missing. The house had been searched three times previously but no one had checked the closets.

At first, the general consensus was that Mary Jane had been playing by herself and accidentally shut herself in the closet, then starved to death, unable to get out. However, when she was found, there was a neighborhood girl’s puppy (which had gone missing the same time as Mary Jane) that bounded out, healthy and happy. There was no trace of dog food, water, or animal waste. Someone was taking care of the dog while Mary Jane slowly died.

Her autopsy showed she survived in the closet for three days — inside were claw marks, indicating she tried to escape. And though the door couldn’t be locked, a thumb screw had been affixed to the door, making it difficult for a person of Mary Jane’s height to open it.

Though there was no sign of foul play, many believe that Mary Jane was murdered… yet we may never know.