Louis Waxman

The kid-noise came in waves. Loudest were the babies, of which there were three. One would cry and shriek and the other two would join in like clockwork.

I love you. Feels good to say that.

If I were Javier Bardem, I’d be able to keep you. I’d want to. I wouldn’t have to think about it. I’d be so much more than a pretty face. I’d engage.

1. Women, women, and more women… will ignore you.

It’s recently been leaked that the National Security Agency (NSA) has the ability to track, record, and store every phone call, text message, and email we send.

Princess Zelda was my first love.

The truth of the matter is that great people aren’t always great role models.

You know because you’ve never felt this way about a person before. You know because you’d crumble if she left.

The realization that behind each magic spectacle is nothing more than good ol’ fashioned hard work, patience, and maybe quick hands killed it for me.

Fashion forces me to think about who I am on some kind of deep, existential level.

Interrupt her by making a shushing sound and putting your finger on her mouth. Now you’ve got the perfect opportunity to talk about waxing your board for the next 20 minutes.

We might be a festering cesspool of ADD and narcissism, but at least we’re nice.