Lorenzo Jensen III

“Why do you say you’re ‘fine’ when you’re obviously pissed off?”

“He put his hands in his pants, scratched his crotch, and told a customer to smell his fingers.”

“Witnessed a guy cut his own d*ck off and throw it at a pill nurse.”

“A few years ago I was staying in a mental ward, and we were on lockdown. She sneaked into my room and f*cked the crazy out of me.”

“They can be over 40 and still considered generally attractive.”

Longevity privilege, crying privilege, emotional privilege, weight privilege, hair privilege, clothing privilege, sex work privilege, laziness privilege…should we continue?

“I must have prayed for something like 25 or 30 years. Not one single prayer was ever answered.”

“Imagine someone shoving a curved can of Monster energy drink into a small knife wound. That would’ve felt nicer.”

“It’s crippling. Imagine being stuck in a deep well with a boulder tied to your ankle. As you try to climb up towards the light, there will always be something holding you back.”

“Lee Harvey Oswald’s murder was on live TV. I imagine that was pretty crazy seeing Kennedy’s assassin assassinated.”

“When I got older, I realized the world wouldn’t wait for me. That I didn’t just have an endless amount of time to get my sh*t together. There would be no miracles and I would actually have to do something because no one was going to do it for me.”

“For what felt like forever it’s just me and some stranger in a ski mask, looking at each other, in the desolate woods. In the middle of winter. At 3 AM.”

“Men are expendable. It’s literally our evolutionary role to stand between the tribe and danger because we’re not the reproductive bottleneck.”

“That no matter what, you can achieve anything you put your mind to. Seventeen years later and I’m still not a Jedi.”

“My cats went crazy at the precise moment my friend was getting killed in a car accident.”

“The scariest and most dangerous thing to encounter out in the wilderness is a person.”

“My mom held my little sister’s hand over a gas stove because she stole Skittles from our kitchen.”

“She threatened to kill me and threatened to tell the police I raped her.”