Lisa Woods

“Death grip. I feel like a lot of girls think guys like it when you just grab the fuck on and jerk it like your pumping water from a well.”

Did I always love giving blowjobs? No. But, here I am today giving blowjobs and loving every minute (inch?) of it. Becoming a goddess (or god) of the meat pole takes time and patience…

“I’m really dominant and I’ve always been so during sex. I’d love to have the roles reversed one day. That would be insane. And I mean truly reversed. Not just her taking control, but her tying me down so I couldn’t get out…”

“When you come to us to unload, and if this happens too often, we are overwhelmed with the combination of our own problems plus yours.”

“You know those guys on dating sites who just post a picture of their dick without filling out any of the info? Yeah, that actually works -“

“There would already be a law saying they could have a week off every month. #IfMenHadPeriods”

“It’s like velvet waves flowing down and around…”

Sometimes you just really need to watch a bunch of kitties enjoying life so you can better enjoy yours.

“As a student I thought it would be funny to ask my grade 7 teacher what tea bagging was (I played a lot of Halo) so she went on a 15 minute speech of what it was and why people may want to do it. The class was so stunned and I was pretty embarrassed.”

“It depends on the person. I’m either thinking about how great it is that I’m finally fucking them, or I’m thinking about how great it would be if I were fucking someone else.”

He comes out from the other room completely naked and gyrating, saying “You got more than you bargained for!”

“She walked into the lavatory and left the door unlocked. I waited a few minutes and then followed her in. After cleaning up, I walked out and she followed a couple minutes after that. The perfect crime.”