1. “Girl I work with thought that going ‘balls deep’ meant that the balls went in too….”
2. “I had a girlfriend who read one too many Cosmo magazines and thought it would be sexy to smash her fingers against my taint like an old timey telegraph buzzer.”
3. “It shrinks?”
4. “I thought men had two separate sacks for their balls.”
5. “Well I friend of mine told me his girlfriend squished his testicles once, because she thought they were soft and he would like it.”
6. “Two female biology teachers told a class of 25 teenage boys that it is not possible to piss while you are erect. They were corrected by the mob.”
7. “Had a friend who lost her virginity and was shocked that the guy had to hold onto his dick and guide it in. I have no idea what she thought would happen, like, if she thought there would be some sort of magnetic force that would just whoosh them together. She has a few kids now.”
8. “That erection = consent.”
9. “A girl insisted that men fake that getting hit in the groin hurts. She demonstrated by kneeing her then boyfriend in the groin… hard. All the guys cringed the boyfriend. Last I ever saw that dude.”
10. “A Chinese girl stroked my hairy chest and asked if white women had hairy chests too.”
11. “I had a girl friend who genuinely thought gay men when they get penetrated the penis of the top would ‘fill in’ the inside of the penis of the bottom like pushing on a syringe from inside the anus. She actually thought that was gay sex.”
12. A woman doctor didn’t know uncircumcised foreskin could be pulled back.
13. “I thought that baby boys were born with internal testicles that would eventually descend externally into the ballsack upon reaching sexual maturity.
The term ‘His balls dropped’ confused me.”
14. “A girl in high school thought it was gross that guys get hair on their balls and ‘have to’ shave (she thought there was only a little pubic tuft that grew neatly above the shaft). I said ‘Michelle, you do know that hair grows all the way up the head, right?’ When she didn’t believe me, I asked my buddy on the other side of me and he played along.
Our group of friends led her to believe the male genitalia could get as hairy as a wooly mammoth trunk if not maintained. She believed us until P.E. when another girl set her straight.”
15. “I didn’t realize that the skin on the dick moves. Like, I thought pulling it up and down to give a handjob would hurt, until my husband very politely informed me that that’s definitely not how it works.
Also thought that there were two tubes inside the penis, one for cum and one for urine, BUT to be fair, I KNOW I was taught that in seventh grade, because I asked other people from my school and we all remember a diagram with two tubes inside the penis.
Also didn’t realize erections were a thing…. Not sure how I thought that worked. I really had no idea how penises worked until I started having sex.”
16. “Don’t pee in me, I don’t wanna get pregnant.”
17. “I knew that you could tuck an erection into your waistband. But the first time my infant son got one I panicked and called my husband at work. ‘Which way does it go?! Will it BREAK?!’
18. “I’ve been with a few virgins and noticed that balls are some mysterious unhurtable sex toy. I had one who would like to play with mine while we watched tv or something and one time she tried to twist them up as many time as they would go.
Another girl thought ball sucking would feel good (which it never has to me) and she went all out like trying to suck a watermelon through a straw. Probably one of the worst pains I’ve ever felt.”
19. “A former coworker years ago told me that when she was a teen, she was convinced that sex resulted in pregnancy every time. Thus, when she got married and consummated it, she was sure she was pregnant and told her husband, who thought it was hilarious.
Joke was on him – she was.”
20. “She said, ‘Your butthole is in the wrong place. That’s where the vagina belongs.'”
21. “The deer in the headlights face a girl made when I said ‘what about precum’ in protest of her ‘no condom, just pull out’ policy was priceless.”
22. “Knew a girl who didn’t understand what a foreskin was and thought having one would somehow make a man sterile.”
23. “Someone once said that we get boners when we have to piss. She disagreed when I tried to correct her. I am not very fond of this particular individual.”
24. “She seriously asked ‘Where’s your vagina?’ Like, she thought that penises were hidden inside of a man’s vagina.”
25. “I love my lesbian sister in law and her wife but they should of had a daughter not a son. They didn’t understand why my nephew had morning wood every morning. They put the diaper changing station right under the AC. They didn’t know cold air can cause a mild erection.
They are going to have a fun time when puberty comes along.”
26. “A general inability to judge size has culminated in comments like this one, which I actually heard someone say: ‘My boyfriend’s dick is 10 inches, but I’ve had bigger.'”
No, no you haven’t. Men aren’t built like that and if you think they aren’t then he isn’t 10 inches.”
27. “Had a coworker who thought that men’s penises stayed erect all the time and that men just tucked it with their leg to hide it, had no idea that it’s not erect 24/7.”
28. “I’m embarrassed, but here goes: I grew up on a farm so I was familiar with cows, sheep, etc breeding and knew what their organs looked like. I was thinking there should be a thin pink part that sticks out during erection instead of the whole penis just getting bigger. My only relief is that I did not share my confusion with my girlfriends and instead did some research. Bless the internet!”
29. “‘What’s so important between your legs?’-One woman talking about manspreading.”
30. “A girl in high school gave me a blow job then the next day told her friends she was worried about being pregnant…”
31. “Once had someone ask me if men ejaculated every time they had an orgasm, or if we could just choose.”
32. “Ex-girlfriend thought men had like 100 small balls in their nutsack. She was like 20 years old and still thought this.”
33. “I thought the only reason men can’t pee with a boner was fear of pee getting in their face.”
