31 Men And Women Describe Exactly When You Have To Break Up With Your SO
1. “When the memories mean more to you than the person standing in front of you.”
2. “I was with my ex for almost 5 years. For the last 2.5 years of the relationship, I wasn’t all that happy. What kept me around though was remembering the fun times we had the previous years and the few good memories we were making in the present. Eventually I had a come to Jesus moment and said fuck it; I deserve better than occasionally being happy around him. It’s a tough thing to go through when you finally realize it’s over, but you’ll be better off in the end.”
3. “When either or both parties start exhibiting contempt for the other. Contempt is corrosive and there’s no recovery from the damage it inflicts. Any betrayal that the betrayed party can’t forgive.
It’s best to make a clean break and part company right away.”
4. “There is no perfect time to break up. Some people say ‘oh, I’ll wait until after the holidays’, or ‘I’ll wait until after their birthday.’ My ex broke up with me the day my grandmother died, which at the time did indeed suck, however, if she had faked it and saw me through all that, I might have grown even more attached and in the end, it may have been worse. Don’t delay the inevitable, you aren’t doing anyone a favor, and it will be harder in the end.”
5. “When the relationship feels like taking a dead dog for a walk.”
6. “When you’re arguing every day. When you feel like you’re trapped. When other men/women are appealing to you and the only reason you aren’t with them is because you are already in a relationship. When you are hiding issues from your friends whom you tell everything because you don’t want them to know how fucked up everything really is in your relationship and you don’t want the judgement. When you don’t speak because you feel that it will anger the other person and you don’t want to argue anymore. When you feel powerless.
I got out of something and I never looked back. It isn’t easy at all but you feel better if you get out of something that is hurting you daily.”
7. “When you start understanding country music.”
8. “When abuse happens. The FIRST time it happens.
When you lose respect for your partner, or visa versa.
When the relationship feels more like a chore instead of a pleasure.”
9. “When you’re fantasizing about living normal life, but without the other person there.”
10. “When the idea of breaking up is in your mind more often than the idea of staying with your SO.”
11. “When you dread the times that you’re supposed to hang out together.”
12. “It’s time to break up when you’re consciously behaving to keep peace or avoid a fight. That’s no way to live.”
13. “When they start only caring about themselves without taking you or the relationship into consideration.”
14. “When you feel as you can’t say anything to your SO without them making you feel like shit. May it be by smart remarks or feeling as you did something wrong when you just try to show Him/Her you love them, Albeit it might be in a weird way.”
15. “When trust exists, but must always be verified.
When attraction ceases.
When the highlight of your life with them is choosing between TGI Fridays and Applebees.
When their/your principle excuse for cheating is either boredom or hatred.
If they put the TP in the ‘under’ position.”
—Dehy
16. “When you have tried to talk out your problems but they keep coming back.”
17. “When you realize not only are you not in love, but you don’t even like your SO as a person anymore.”
18. “When it feels like you have become more of a parent than a companion.”
19. “When your SO doesn’t smell good to you anymore. I don’t mean they stink or they have a smelly moment (ate bad mexican, just worked out etc) but if their general smell is no longer appealing it’s over.”
20. “You choose every day to be with that person.
The day you feel like you’re not making a choice, that you’re forced into something, is the day.”
21. “There are a lot of people here saying that as soon as you think it’s time to break up, you should definitely break up with them. I can see where they’re coming from, but I don’t agree entirely.
As soon as you start thinking seriously about breaking up with them, think about why you want that. What about the relationship isn’t making you happy?
Then talk to them about it. See if they feel the same way. See if they’ve noticed that they’re behaving in a way that upsets you. If they don’t care, won’t work with you to make the relationship worth having, then it’s time to break up.
But if they take into consideration the things you have to say, then you could end up taking the relationship to much better level than you’ve experienced up until now.
I’ve been in both situations. My first ever proper SO, I was with for 15 months. When things started getting awful, we talked and he wasn’t prepared to do anything differently to make things better even though I wasn’t asking him for anything I wasn’t fully prepared to do myself.
But I’ve also been with a partner who stressed me out almost to breaking point. First we argued, then things calmed down and we just sat and talked for about two days about what we wanted out of being together, in a way that we never had properly before then. After that, we had to spend a little while working on the things we’d been arguing about, but we got to a place that was ultimately better than before.”
22. “When you realize that you’re apathetic… sex.. meh take it or leave it.. no arguing because you really just don’t give a shit about anything anymore.. you don’t even get upset about things that should really hurt you, because there’s nothing left to give anymore.
Get out of there and make yourself happy again.. as shitty as the break up may be, things do get better.”
23. “When you start hoping that they will break up with you. When you fantasize about coming home to an empty house and having time and space to yourself.”
24. “When you have determined that you and your partner have incompatible goals, or incompatible lifestyles. Love does not conquer all, and it can be very painful for some people to learn that.”
25. “When you argue and it doesn’t even bother you anymore.”
26.
“When the rose colored glasses come off and the flags start looking like red flags.”
27. “When you’re only together for pure convenience.”
28. “If they suddenly showed up to where you are/were hanging out and you’d be upset/petrified rather than happy, excited or content.
If they speak to you with contempt.
Your mutual friends don’t want to hang out anymore because your arguments and unhappy tension ruin everything.
Hanging out with them feels like a chore.
You feel like you can’t trust them.”
29. “When the idea of them breaking up with you gives you relief and not devastation.”
30. “If they’re possessive to the point of suffocating your life. If you aren’t allowed to talk to other people without them reacting negatively. If you aren’t allowed to have your own views on things and feel pressured to conform to theirs. If they get mad if you do anything fun without them, even if it was impossible for them to be there in the first place (seems to happen a lot with long distance relationships). You shouldn’t feel like you have to hide innocent things from them because they would react negatively.
For a lot of people these things aren’t all that apparent when you’re in the relationship, but they’re pretty much abusive behaviors. The person you love should love you for you, and trust you. They should let you be your own person with your own life. Someone wanting control over you is not romantic, don’t explain this kind of shit away with ‘oh well they just love me so much they want me all to themselves’.”
31. “I think when you have to will yourself to set things right. If you have a fight and the next day you don’t want to make up but you feel you have to, I think it’s a sign it’s over.”
