What’s having a Penis like?

1. Best Answer Ever?

For most of the time it’s a bit like having a sensitive ball of flesh attached to your front. Think of having a small boob in your crotch area. You can feel it’s there most of the time, but it’s not something you think about. When it’s flapping about freely it feels more… complex. What is usually restrained in your pants is now like a boob octopus that will flail around if you move too fast. I’m pretty sure the first piece of clothing we invented was the loincloth to help us run and move without fearing that the dick would slam into our balls. That said, its hardly ever in the way. Just like the vagina is lower than most guys expect, the dick is higher than most girls expect.

Now, when the dick decides it’s going to fuck something, never mind the social or physical situation you are in, it gets a mind of its own. You can trick it, but you can’t control it. In fact, it controls you. Lets continue with the boob analogy. Tighten your thighs and feel them. Do you feel the muscles, how hard they are? Imagine if the fleshy glob of fat that is your immaculate boobs suddenly turns into that. And your nipples become oh so sensitive and large. And then imagine those boobs in the shape of a dick in your crotch. In your pants. At your grandma’s house. Where you are hosting a wake for you grandma. And you are delivering a speech in front of your family. You feel embarrassed, not horny. But your stupid stupid dick saw all those crying women in front of you and decided that, yeah, this is a worthwhile fetish. So now you are hoping to god that the creases in your pants are hiding your dick.

Let’s take this analogy further, we’re all pretty uncomfortable by now. Lets imagine this muscle boob with sensitive nipples in the shape of a dick and yourself have managed to coax a female of your species into copulating. God knows how you did that, your genitals sound more monstrous by the minute. But here you are, you’re both naked, she’s conveniently naked and ready, and you are sporting what you hope is at least an average dick. You’re not gonna win any awards but whatever.

Your penis is now in charge. And it wants one thing. To be inside that other person. And it will not stop until it is there. Nirvana awaits, why the hell aren’t you inside that person!? Okay so now you are inside that person and it feels amazing, tight, wet, so varm and just all around great. Except your penis still isn’t happy. It demands stimulation.

Female and male orgasm are very different, obviously. Sure we have the same nerve endings and whatnot but most women can attest to that they don’t orgasm every time, and sometimes it’s fine not to orgasm(insert jokes about small dicks, inferior men and insults to selfish men here). To the dick, not orgasming is not acceptable. It’s like the terminator, it must complete it’s mission. There is no enjoying the “journey” for the dick. The dick is on a one way track to orgasmville, population 100 million kids. The dick doesn’t care if anyone else joins him on the way to the orgasmville, if they do, that’s a bonus.

Your selfish boobmuscle is getting most of the simulation from it’s nipple. That’s basically the only spot and the key is making that spot happy. When you find the right rhythm you start to feel a strange burning situation in the taint. This is called the vinegar burns and indicate that you are going to come. You will ejaculate now, there’s nothing anyone can do to stop that. Once you’ve reached this point it’s kind of like being able to chose a rollercoaster. You can pump away and reach some kind of nirvana esque experience as you feel yourself drain away into the other person through your boobmusclenipple. You can also ejaculate without orgasming, which is just a waste of time and effort. But the vinegar burns tell you that the journey is almost over and your penis and yourself are very happy.

At that point your dick sort of dies. It’ll stay hard for a while but it’s powerless to control you. And its that moment, right after sex, as you’re getting your breath back, you begin to understand how this retarded muscle hanging in front of you controls every aspect of your life. How everything you do is an extension of his need to be inside other people. It feels comical. It feels insane. You start to wonder if you wanted to go to college or if your dick just wanted to try out other people’s bodies, you begin to question your life choices, you start to wonder how every single man is driven by their dicks and how the entire male world is just a relentless race to find people to share their strange muscles with.

And then your dick starts waking up again and begins preparing for your next excursion.

And that’s what’s having a dick is like.

Men, what are the most frustrating fashion choices that you face?

2. Ugh, Shopping

The shopping part.

3. If You’re Tall, Nothing Fits

I’m 6’5″. But not fat. There aren’t many Tall options. Big AND Tall, not Big OR Tall. Lame.

So most of my pants are too short and it’s hard to find shirts that fit properly.

4. Even If You’re Shorter, Nothing Fits

I have the opposite problem. I am 5’7” with short legs. They don’t make a size 27 leg off the shelf and I am terrible at hemming pants.

5. Nothing Fits In General, Forever

Shit never fits right. Women have jeans that come in 20 different fits for applebottoms, or very thin, or curvy or whatever. Guys jeans all have the same shape to them (none, literally just rectangle) and then you decided if you want giant footholes for bootcut, or slightly smaller footholes. There’s no shaping to shirts either. Are you lanky? Well you get to wear the same shirt as fat guys your height.

6. Options Are Terrible

The fact that men’s fashion sucks compared to women’s regarding variety or choice. Sometimes it’s awesome (it takes 3 seconds to decide what to wear for a <insert level of formality here> event), but then you get to said event and every guy looks exactly the same and every girl looks completely unique. Most guys like the ease and lack of choice; I hate it.

7. Dude’s Just Have To Sweat It Out

Lack of options.

It’s 87 degrees today, ooh I should wear shor–err, fuck. Dress code doesn’t allow it. Meanwhile girls can wear miniskirts and tank tops, and I’m over here in a 3pc wool suit sweating my ass off.

What’s Up With “Shrinkage”?

8. Grower vs. Shower

Penises come in many shapes and sizes. If you’ve never heard “I’m a grower not a show-er” it means that flaccid size is small but erect is bigger or more normal.

Cold water makes the testicles curl up in order to create sperm as it needs to be closer to the body for warmth. The penis retracts in a similar fashion, and thus it appears to be smaller than normal. Flaccid size will thus also shrink.

However, do not take flaccid size as a way to figure out erect size- especially adding shrinkage in there.

9. It’s Biological

Water and cold cause skin cells to constrict. Same way you get pruny fingers. Sperm also only survives in specific temps, too cold and they will die. Too hot and they fry, also the same reason why we have balls is because the internal temperature is too hot for sperm development.

10. Balls Know What They’re Doing

It’s a temperature thing. Balls don’t like the cold so they huddle together and get closer to the body so they can produce sperm.

11. The Wonders Of The Male Anatomy

The penis contracts in the cold because the decreasing temperature shrinks the cells throughout the corpus cavernosum (the part of the penis that expands and contracts for erections) these smaller cells can’t hold as much blood so the penis will appear more shriveled. However the testicles shrivel for a different reason, sperm cells can only survive and be created at a certain temperature this temperature is slightly lower than the normal body temperature so the purpose of the scrotum is to hold them right outside the body where it’s a little cooler for ideal production. When external temperature is to hot or cold the scrotum contracts or expands to hold the testicals just far enough away from the body to keep the ideal temperature. This is why if you put a cold spoon on only one of your testicles only half of your scrotum will contract.

Do Guys Ever Think About Having Kids And What Kind Of Dad They Would Be?

12. Used To Worry A Lot

I did. Honestly I was just worried I wouldn’t be a good enough dad for my kids. Then I had kids.

Then I realized that just being there and playing fucking legos with them is awesome, and they like to follow you around, so you gotta mind your p’s and q’s. The tougher stuff will start later I’m sure, but my ten year and three year olds have been super cool, and I have a better connection with both than any dad I know has with their kids.

13. Only When It’s Right In Front Of His Face

Sometimes I’ll hear/see shit which makes me think “man if I was a dad, or if that was my kid, I’d do xyz instead of that person’s abc approach” or something like that. The next second I think about money and pussy and blow and not having kids.

So I mostly only think about family/dad stuff if I have a reason to ponder it because of seeing something. Otherwise it never really crosses my mind much. I’m in my twenties and very indecisive about any of that stuff.

14. A Natural

When I was younger, I thought about this a lot. And I really wondered whether I was up to the task of being a good dad.

I’m now 23 years into the Dadding experience. Turns out, I was a natural. Who knew?

Why Are Men Obsessed With Butt Stuff?

15. Yikes!

Because we know you hate it.

16. Because Mixing It Up Keeps Things Fresh

A lot of it stems from the taboo of the act itself. It can be pleasurable in the right circumstances, but a lot of people don’t want to try it or won’t consider it. Society at large tends to think of the act itself as dirty (for obvious reasons) so merely taking part in such an activity can be a rush of doing something forbidden. Much in the same way some people enjoy sex in a public place where the possibility of being caught is real.

It also comes from changing it up every now and then. If you’re bent over and getting railed doggy style, it becomes a completely different act if it’s vaginal vs anal. Sex is great, but if you do the same thing every time, it can get boring. Anal is a relatively simple way to spice things up without requiring a ton of accoutrements, you just need some lube and trust.

17. Because Men Are Told They Should Want It

Most people can become obsessed by things “most others do but I don’t”. Society (or rather, porn) just taught modern days people that anal was a norm, hence inducing that feeling.

With that said, not all men are into that (generalizations are bad), and around 20% of the world’s sexually active population has tried at least once. The amount of men and women practicing is somewhat similar too, so it’s not only men.

18. The Taboo Makes It Desirable

Because society tells them to be.

I’m male, bisexual. I’ve done butts of both genders, done a few vaginers, and had my butt done, too. The whole gambit, if you will.

To be super duper mega honest, it’s not really that different to have anal sex vs vaginal sex. With the right amount of lube and a partner who is remotely prepared for anal sex.. a hole is a hole. It’s tight, it’s warm, you shove yer dick around and then you jizz.

It is not that different on a physical level. Now, the mental stimulation is a big part of it, too, of course. This is always true when dealing with sex. So when society says that “butt stuff” is hotter, it’s tighter, it’s blah blah whatever, people build this expectation.

Furthermore, when it becomes a “special” thing, when you have to hound someone to get it, when you play it up as some amazing thing, when you use it as a bargaining tool in relationships and make it a special taboo then, as long as it isn’t a total failure, you overvalue it and that value becomes perceived as real.

It’s just how sex and such works. I mean, hell, what’s the big deal with tits? They’re as attractive as butts with vienna sausages taped on, yet they’re the best thing ever to so many people and so sexually charged that we can’t even let children see them because they’re that sexually obscene.

Sexuality is just kinda weird and hugely society driven. The ‘butt stuff’ drive, in my opinion, is based largely in fantasy far more than any kind of actual basic physical remarkable difference.

Again, for all you butt sex lovers, I’m not saying it’s “not that hot”, merely that it’s mostly mental, and I think a lot of the mental thrill of it is society driven due to the perception of it. I mean, hell, I love butt sex, to be quite clear. It’s great. But from my personal experience on the giver’s side, it just isn’t that different from vaginal, assuming you have lube and aren’t all but literally tearing your partner a new one because they aren’t remotely prepared or ready (which is awful, btw, because it makes the act awful for them, rather than pleasurable, and that’s fucking stupid.)

Have You Ever Tried To Shove Your Own Penis Into Your Own Butthole?

19. Nope

No. But every man, tried to give himself a blow job and then give up because it doesn’t work.

20. Yep

Yes, but you have to be a very rare level of semi-erect.

21. Yep

All the time, succeeded once.

What Do Boobs Feel Like Against Your Chest When You Hug A Woman? Can You Feel Them?

22. Depends On What’s Between Them And The Man

Depends on the boobs, what the girl is wearing, etc. If she has an all star rack and is freeboobing it, it feels real nice. If she’s wearing 4 sports bras, spandex, and a buttoned denim jacket, not so much.

23. Yep

Yes, we can feel them, it’s definitely obvious. It just feels like another part of you though.