Please Stop Changing Your Boundaries For Different People

I find it so interesting that so many of us have certain boundaries and expectations with some people but not others, simply by the role we assign them.

For an example, my dad is a struggling addict and has always been in and out of my life whereas my mom has always been my number one person. I have spent so many years making my father’s behavior “normal,” that any time he forgets my birthday, doesn’t show up for my graduation, or doesn’t even remember what grade my little brother is in, it just goes over my head and I have no emotion towards it. Whereas if my mother acted that way, I would cut contact off with her and be appalled by her inability to show up for me and be present in my life.

The same goes for relationships. If we have a boundary with our significant other and we won’t tolerate certain behaviors, why is it that when our parents do it it becomes something we start to tolerate? And vice versa.

A boundary is a boundary. Boundaries protect you. Boundaries create the life you need to have in order to simply survive. A boundary is purely saying, “I need ____ and nothing less. Thanks”. 

So why do we change our boundaries and dismiss our needs depending upon who it’s in relation to?

Why do we let our significant others treat us like shit but when our friends start to act in the same way, we end the friendship or stop responding?

Why do we let our parents manipulate our minds but when we feel a teacher is, we drop the class or file a complaint?

Let me be very clear here: It is important to have some level of compassion and decency for every human. You should be kind to your teacher as your sister and to your sister as your mother.

However, that does not mean you should change your needs based on who you are dealing with.

Your core needs do not change in correlation with who you are interacting with.

If you have a need for peace that means that no matter who is raising their voice or causing a disturbance in your life, have it be a parent, child, significant other, friend, boss, regardless of whoever it may be, your need deserves to be honored.

The worthiness of your boundaries and needs stay the same, they do not change per person.

If you have a boundary and your boundary is that you need very clear-cut communication; that should not change based on who you are speaking to, even if you share blood with them.

Your boundaries are one of the most important things you own. They are yours. Honor them. Unconditionally honor them.