This Is For The Nights That I Miss You Most

On the nights that I miss you most, I will drive. I will drive until I have listened to enough songs to bring me to a place of acceptance.

On the nights that I miss you most, I will think about you. I will think about all of you, from the times you made me bleed to the times you touched me as if winning me was your biggest achievement.

On the nights that I miss you most, I will bring my mind to logic. I will let myself dwell for a set period of time. After I dwell, I will guide myself into reality and leave my emotion behind like a friend I do not miss.

On the nights that I miss you most, I will remind myself that the way we remember things are rarely the way they actually were.

On the night that I miss you most, I will let myself feel the discomfort that comes from change.

On the night that I miss you most, I will remind myself that whatever is happening right now, is supposed to be happening right now.

I will remind myself that my life is perfectly on schedule.

On the nights that I miss you most, I will come to the conclusion that it is rarely the people we miss wholeheartedly – but rather where we were and who we were when we were with them.

On the nights that I miss you most, I will find my strength.

I will feel.

I will cry.

I will scream.

I will be out of breath.

I will rationalize.

I will give meaning to my pain.

I will write a new narrative.

I will retell the story.

I will find acceptance alongside hope.

I will find my breath.

I will remember that because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are.

I will move. I will keep moving.

On the nights that I miss you most, I will let myself be where I am – fully. 

On the nights that I miss you most, I will remind myself that morning will be here soon, and I will have come one more day closer to the nights where I no longer miss you.