The Importance Of Forgiving Shame

There is something to be said about the people who show up to their own guilt. These are the kinds of people who likely admit they did wrong, and ache to learn how to do better. There is so much scarcity in showing up for yourself in the midst of intense emotion, but it’s what separates those who are stagnant and those who are ever evolving.

Shame is something so toxic, and we all feel it. We will always be in a situation where we wish we did something different, we wish we said something else, we wish we looked a different way, or thought a different way. We all beat ourselves up, and by doing that; we are beating up the only person who has consistently shown their commitment to all of the moments in our life.

We are all equipped in knowing how to ridicule ourselves for not exceeding all standards, so where to we begin to acknowledge the necessity of forgiving ourselves for it?

In order to forgive ourselves of this shame it’s pertinent to let go. Letting go is necessary for forgiveness because it releases the built up expectations we have regarding success and failure, by letting go we are giving the world as well as ourselves permission to no longer think of our own beings with anger, but with compassion.

Compassion is something this world needs more of in every sense. Compassion is wonderful because it is one of the basic human traits that almost every person in the population has the ability to exert. Compassion requires patience, it requires understanding, and it requires having the perception that no one is perfect in any form.

I think it is crucial to remember that sometimes things are much bigger than us and just because we may be reminded we are not invincible; does not mean we cannot try to be, we just can’t be hard on ourselves when it’s obvious we aren’t.

As Meredith Grey says in Grey’s Anatomy, “They say shame controls every aspect of human behavior. It’s about who we believe we are. But in the end, you cant hide and the body doesn’t lie. The truth is right for the world to see. Our shame can choke us, kill us. It can rot us from the inside, if we decide to let it”.

The way the world continues to move forward, and the way we continue to still feel joy after excruciating moments of shame, is to knowingly forgive ourselves for experiencing the both agonizing and inevitable moments of our humanity. We must be the ones to offer our own self a touch on the shoulder when we feel alone, we must be the ones who make our bodies eat even though we know we have no appetite, and we are the ones who must give ourselves permission to see our disappointment as it really is, and know that our identity and ability to thrive, love, and be does not lie in the shame we feel- it lies in the moments in which we accept that we are human.