How Birth Control Killed My Relationship

Scott* and I had been together for almost three years when I decided get off birth control. I made that choice because my sex life was dull. And by dull, I mean non-existent. It was nobody’s fault. He tried. I wasn’t interested, though I wished I was. And I knew the pill was to blame, so I chose to go hormone-free to see if I could be ‘normal’ again. Well, that didn’t quite work out as expected.

Prior to getting off the pill, I was in love. We were in love.

We were young, yes, but we knew we had something special and it never occurred to me that there might be someone else for me out there. I thought I had found ‘the one’, and he felt the same at the time, and then I ruined everything.

I went from planning our future and feeling so secure, to questioning everything, within approximately one week of the switch. I started overanalyzing every detail of our relationship and realizing we didn’t have much in common at all. I felt bored, like I needed to explore what else was out there. I thought our ‘comfortable’ relationship was suddenly such a bad thing. Every time I looked at him I thought he was more like a ‘brother’ or a ‘friend’.

Who friend-zones their boyfriend of 3 years? I do, apparently.

At first, it didn’t occur to me that this had anything to do with the birth control. I figured this was relatively normal, and I still do to some extent. But this was an extreme case. This was like I turned off any romantic feelings I had about this seemingly perfect person in a matter of seconds, with the flick of a switch.

Scott happened to be into science. He needed a sound explanation for things, and enjoyed researching to find answers, rather than just accepting truths.

So, of course, he found an answer for why his relationship suddenly was no more: Birth Control Pills.

As it turns out, studies have shown that women’s attraction to certain traits in men changes depending on whether they are taking contraceptive pills. So much so, that it is recommended that women stop taking their birth control prior to agreeing to marriage, to ensure that their feelings remain the same. Say what?

The good news is, I’m doing just fine.

Sure, my dating life is a shit-show and I still have no idea what I want in many aspects of life, but everything has worked out alright, and maybe the relationship was simply not meant to be, pill or no pill. This doesn’t apply to all women (I hope, for your sake), but I’ve chosen to stick to hormone-free contraceptive methods since, just to be on the safe side (because that was a pretty confusing time for everyone involved).

If you want to learn more about the study, you can read about here.