Lauren Modery

4. You thought about taking the MetroRail once…

I’ll refrain from getting into details on my boob-squeezing obsession, but I will say this: boob-squeezing is a slippery slope.

I explained to him that I didn’t have the experience needed to be an assistant, but based of my performance at my internship, he felt that I could handle the job.

Because art is so important to you, it’s imperative that you do not let self-doubt use your creative balls as a punching bag.

Your problem is that you date douchebags.

At this very second, you’re ready to move to Austin and have her change you.

The other day I thought, “I wish I was Jeff Goldblum.”

How could Buffalo, New York, the city where a person’s umbilical cord freezes instantly upon exiting the womb, be the new “it” city?

All my favorite characters are real women. They don’t just act conventionally by dating or getting married or having children, they also have affairs, cut themselves, second-guess themselves and act like giant idiots.

Won’t you skip down memory lane with me?