Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

I don’t want to be burned anymore. I don’t want to keep hurting. I don’t want to keep allowing myself stand to the side while everyone else takes center stage. I keep getting shot at. I keep getting punched. Yet still I smile. Still I say please and thank you. Still, I give.

Stop looking for love. Stop chasing it. Stop running for it. I know you’re tired. I know you’re lonely. But you’re the only one who can fix that. You are the only one can learn to love yourself. You are the only one who can work on bettering yourself and becoming a better person.

Be the type of woman who finds worth in herself without validation from other people. Be the type of woman who loves herself without needing love from anyone else. And be the type of woman who never chases someone who isn’t chasing her back.

“Don’t make me feel guilty for leaving a party early. It already takes strength for me to do that on my own with everyone staring at me.”

Friendship is sacred. It’s not meant to make you feel small. It isn’t meant to make you feel stupid, or like you aren’t as beautiful as you are. Friendship is a vital part of anyone’s life, so choose wisely.

She blocked you because realized your love wasn’t true. That your heart wasn’t in it for the right reasons. And she couldn’t stand to see you, to hear you and to talk to you. She blocked you because she finally realized that you were toxic. That you were never what she needed or wanted.

She could’ve been the one for you. Maybe she still is. Maybe she’s the girl that would’ve changed you. Maybe she’s the girl that would’ve let you love her, and maybe she’s the girl that would have never ever hurt you. But you were too damn proud for that kind of life. You were too damn hungry for more. You were too damn selfish that you couldn’t even see what was right in front of you.

Don’t treat their leaving as a tragedy. Don’t treat their leaving as a thunderstorm that only rains down on you. Turn their leaving into a new beginning. Turn their leaving into starting over. Turn their leaving into new kinds of love and new kinds of magic.

Seriously, if you had told me a year ago that I would be healthy and happy like I am today, I would’ve called you crazy. I would’ve slightly smiled and just shook my head sadly at you, not believing in my own happiness. Not believing in my own life. In my own talents.

So don’t chase after them when they call you back. Don’t fill their loneliness up. Don’t fill your sadness up with their black heart. Don’t you dare settle for their half-hearted love that will only break you again and again.

Although time will never erase your trauma, the holes in your heart, and the ashes in your lungs, it will eventually provide you with relief. That void will never be gone. That wound will never be gone. But one day you’ll be able to live with that hurt. You’ll be able to move on with that pain still inside of you.

I’m still all over the place, an anxiety-ridden brain that doesn’t know how to stop or slow down. I’m still so jumbled up and tense that my dreams won’t come true. That my accomplishments won’t matter. That I won’t find love again.