Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

Anxiety makes me feel like I can never say ‘yes’ to plans. It overwhelms me with to do lists and unchecked boxes in my brain that tell me that I can never relax. It’s always making me sprint to the finish line, and run until my legs go numb.

We are the generation that views instant gratification as love. We are the generation that is constantly on the hunt for the next best thing, the next best chase, the next big heart to break.

I’m always living in the unknown. Always on edge just waiting for the floor to collapse under me. Always just waiting for the people I love to go away as soon as I feel stable. Always waiting for my happiness to disappear as soon as I learn how to smile again.

I’m constantly flooded with my anxiety screaming at me that it’s not worth it. And that I should give up on finding love. To just stop, because I’m broken.

How do we learn to trust and to learn and to love other people when the people that promised us forever went away?

We fret over the smallest of things. We overthink until we feel like our heads will explode. We think and think and think. It never turns off. It never disappears. It never slows or quiets down. It never stops, no matter how happy we are and no matter how in love we are with our lives or other people.

You ruin a perfectly good relationship by not giving anything back to your partner when they desperately need your compassion. By not lending them ears when they are having a hard time. By not lending them your shoulder to cry on when they are depressed or anxious or blue. You ruin a perfectly good relationship by not caring about what they need and want.

No amount of money is worth the loss of your sanity.

What I do know for sure, is that if you find it, if you are lucky enough to find it, don’t ever let it go. Don’t ever say goodbye to that kind of love. Because love as it turns out, is rare. So don’t ever let it go if it comes your way, please don’t.

You have stopped defending yourself constantly. You have stopped making so many excuses and instead, have learned to fess up and apologize when it’s necessary to do. In your friendships, relationships and in your life in general, you have learned to be more humble and to do the right thing no matter how hard it may be.

You very slowly let yourself open up to him. Once a few months have passed, you start letting your guards down. You know deep down that he deserves to know all of you, even the flaws and imperfections. He deserves to know all of you, even if you’re petrified for him to see all of you.

When you’re finally with the right person, no battle will ever be too much. No fight will ever too hard. Because when you’re finally falling in love with the right person, you two will do whatever it takes to fall in love over and over again with one another.