Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

Their anxiety makes them want to run as far as they can. Their anxiety makes them want to cancel. Their anxiety makes them want to disappear. Because in their minds, that’s better than being hurt. That’s better than getting disappointed. That’s better than rejection.

Real love is about real life. And real life will never be constantly beautiful. Real life will never be breezy. Real life will never be perfect. And just like life, real love is a work progress. So don’t expect love to be easy. Don’t expect love to be perfect. After all, no one is. Nothing is.

Turn your life into something that you can be proud of. Turn yourself into someone that you can be proud of. Focus on the light that you bring to your own life. Focus on what makes your heart beat faster. On what makes your smile beam brighter. 

He asks you more questions about yourself and your family than about previous relationships. 

Maybe it isn’t the timing that breaks people apart. Maybe it isn’t the challenges or the distance. Maybe we were only meant to love them for a certain amount of time. Maybe we were made to give our hearts to more people, instead of just one.

In the Air Force you may meet fellow Airmen that will become pals for life. The bonds formed between Airmen are often unbreakable. Some Airmen have even found future spouses within the service.

I forget what it feels like to fall asleep next to someone who adores me just as I adore them. I forget what it feels like to feel so  confident in someone else. To be so confident in love. To be so confident and to be so convinced that love can conquer all.

I have to learn to forgive myself for all of my bad days. For the days where I don’t want to do anything but lie in bed and stare at the walls. For the days where I don’t do anything but press my body further towards my mattress, wanting everything to go away. I’m slowly learning to forgive myself for when I can’t see the light. For when all I see is darkness.

I’m slowly learning to forgive myself for being a person. For failing. For making mistakes. For failing other people and myself. I’m slowly learning to forgive myself breaking. For being overly emotional and sensitive. I’m slowly learning to forgive myself for hurting and healing and starting all over again. 

I would rather be alone. Because being alone is better than being treated like trash. Being alone is better than being let down. Being alone is better than being with someone who talks and flirts and kisses other girls when you’re in the exact same room. And being alone is 100% better, than being with you.

So sorry to disapoint you, but I’m keeping my standards high. And that doesn’t make me a bitch. That doesn’t make me snobby. That makes me brave and courageous. Because I’d rather be single for a long time, than get mistreated by people who don’t give a crap about me. I’d rather love myself, than to be half loved by some asshole who only wants to get in my pants.

He taught me how to fall and break and crumble. But he also taught me that I am stronger than I think. And eventually, I began to build myself back up. Without his hand to hold.