You Won’t Always Know What The Hell You’re Doing (And That’s More Than Okay)

I’m 24 and I will always feel a little bit lost in the world and in myself. And guess what? That’s FINE. That’s more than fine. Because as it turns out, no one really knows what they are doing. Everyone is just winging it. Hoping they will one day figure it out. Maybe none of us ever will.

A year and a half ago, I was having a quarter life crisis. Actually maybe even my second quarter life crisis. I was working a job I despised. I was running around with lawyers and CEO’S of giant companies that I knew nothing about. I was making them mailing labels, answering their phone calls, getting cursed out half the time. I was in over my head. It wasn’t hard work, I know. But it was chaotic. It was always busy. I was always in panic mode. Expecting the worst from everyone else and from me.

I made silly mistakes. Saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Stumbling and fumbling over my own words. But I worked hard as hell. At a job that made me not want to get up in the morning. I poured my heart and soul into something that I literally hated.

And of course, I hit rock bottom.

I was killing myself living a life that I dreaded. I didn’t know what I was doing or where I was going. It was truly a miserable year in my life. But the thing about hitting rock bottom, is that there’s no where else to go but up.

So that’s what I did.

The thing about getting lost and not knowing what you’re doing is that ultimately, you’ll find out where you’re supposed to be. In our 20’s, we are supposed to fuck up. We are supposed to make mistakes. We are supposed to screw up, to date the wrong people, to say the wrong things, to take the wrong jobs.

We were meant to get lost because getting lost only results in one thing: finding yourself.

A year later I ended up finding a new job here at Thought Catalog. If you had told me I’d have the job of my dreams at 24, I’d never believe you in a million years. But it happened. And why? Because I worked hard. I struggled. I broke down. I picked myself back up. And I led life lead the way.

So no, you won’t always know where you are going or what you are doing. Heck, I still don’t know what I’m doing the majority of the time. But I’m learning and surviving and breathing. And so are you.

Without struggling and hurting, you will never get to where you are meant to be. Without the dark days and the lonely nights, you won’t ever get to a happier place. You need to struggle in order to survive. You need to live through the terrible times in order to live through the amazing moments.

You are not alone.