Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

I was never sure about you. But I was sure about him. 

I miss when the hardest thing about love was the question of timing. I miss when the biggest problem we ever had was when we were going to see one another again. When the only fight we had was who loved each other more.

Falling in love and being in love is the part that everyone wants. It’s the part that makes a love story, a fairytale. But fairytales end in happily ever after. Fairytales end in magic. And real life? It’s not a fairytale.

You see, you made me have butterflies again. It seems like a tiny thing. Like something so mundane, it wouldn’t even matter. But it matters to me. Butterflies matter to me. You matter to me.

I’m learning to let go of the people who are no longer in my life. To let go of the friends who aren’t here for me anymore. I’m learning to let go of the fact that I may have said something or done something to make certain people leave. I’m learning to let go of the people who chose to walk away, even if I didn’t want them to.

Anxiety is just a piece of you. A tiny part. It is not all of you. It is not your whole entire being and mind. 

I want the kind of partner who is firstly my friend. Who will back me up when I believe in something that no one else does. A friend who will listen to me talk on and on about my worst day at work. A friend who will rub my feet on the couch even though they are exhausted too. I want the kind of partner who will be my safe place. My safe haven. And my person. 

Love is being so, so beautiful together, but it’s also about being just as wonderful apart.

We are our own worst enemies. And when we fail or get broken hearted, we blame it on ourselves and put ourselves down to the extreme. We are our own worst critiques and tell ourselves truly terrible things. To say we have low self-esteem would be an understatement. 

It’s too late to do that or to date him or to change careers. It’s too late for me. 

Old souls are not to be played with. They aren’t naive. They aren’t stupid. They just know what they deserve and who they deserve.

You absolutely hate the thought that you could give a wrong answer or say the wrong thing. So, you keep quiet when you’re around your friends and family. You nod your head, and agree with their ideas and opinions because you don’t want to be liked less. 

There IS such a thing as using too much makeup. You don’t have to use all that foundation when you’re going on one errand during the day. 

You were gone. But I wasn’t going to let you kill me. Your leaving taught me that I was stronger than I could have ever anticipated. Your leaving taught me that I could be an independent woman, without needing anybody else. Your leaving taught me that love isn’t everything. Your leaving taught me that self love is the most important kind of love I could ever have.

I want to ask you everything. I want to ask how your love life is. I want to ask about who you are now. Because I don’t know you anymore. And maybe you want it to be like that. But it’s okay. Because I understand. I understand why we can’t say something as simple as a ‘hello’. 

Always remember, you were something before you were his nothing.

Sally Hansen Leg Makeup: This may seem like a step you would want to skip, but believe me — this baby is a game changer. For spring and summer dates, this ‘tan in a bottle’ type product will make your legs look like you just got back from vacation in Cancun. This makeup will also hide any bruises or shaving cuts on your legs, so you won’t have any reason to hide them. 

My anxiety is not beautiful, and it never will be, but it makes me listen. It makes me feel even more strongly when I have a crush, when I’m in love, and when I’m falling out of it. My anxious thoughts make me suffer, but it makes me a better person. Why? It makes me aware that I am human. It makes me aware that everyone is flawed and everyone has parts of themselves that they hate, but they still deserve to find their soulmate.