Laura Jayne Martin

My favorite ads of all time were just great short films that had a product logo at the end. You could take the product logo off and they would still be entertaining to watch.

“SPF 2013” by Very Pale Featuring U.V. Rays

You think you don’t like sugar in your coffee, but I know you actually do like it, because I’ve been secretly putting it into your coffee for years.

Our nation’s birthday party is just like any other birthday party — great for kids, but at some point kind of an annoying hassle and everyone ends up too drunk.

13. If I’m not sleeping with you, then that increases the likelihood that someone else is.

Sex and music go together like peanut butter and jelly and disgusting pornographic jokes.

Popcorn is an early-romance classic, probably mostly because people go on dates to the movies. Anything that’s not too messy. Hummus is not romantic.

2. Unmarried Without Children

I first noticed when I checked my Netflix Instant queue and found a disturbing amount of ‘Torchwood’ and ‘Doctor Who.’

3. Avoid Blonds. Asymptomatic carriers of Summertime Sadness, Blonds are a near-human species that exist on a strict diet of chewing gum and human hearts.

Chuck Wagon is the father of wagon cuisine. He basically invented wagon food, as we know it today.

Manhattan is Manhattan.  Streets are streets. Necks are necks. Love is love.