Laura Jayne Martin

We tried to drive home the point that if you didn’t marry a man you met in college, you should probably just end it all.

Is it Raven or not?

6. You gave up Matthew McConaughey for Lent.

7. The length of your eyelashes.

ROCKsana Baiul – A 1980s style hardcore punk rock band.

11. You pee rainbows.

Do not rely on my bodega for your recommended daily intake of vitamins.

That old banana always puts you before anyone else, even a significant other. You’ve honestly never even SEEN that old banana with another living person or banana—you’re not even really sure about what that old banana is into sexually.

We own no saucers. It’s not a particularly profound fact.

Everyone runs relay races. Unlike yoga, they are inevitable.

Make a living blanket out of cats from the Internet. Don’t hurt them. Velveeta makes a great cat-safe adhesive.

Unfortunately that is not what religious freedom means.