Laura Jayne Martin

He would then give me one consistent marker I needed to hit every lap, seventy-five seconds, forty-two seconds — depending on the size of the track and the length of the race. Just do the same thing each time. That was all I had to do in order to get what I wanted.

If they ask you: “Are you here for brunch?” You are in the wrong restaurant. They should know there is no other earthly reason you would be up this early on a Sunday. People don’t shove themselves 18-deep inside a vestibule for breakfast; this is brunch.

Welcome to “A Complete Idiot’s Guide” where you will be guided by me, a complete idiot. This week? Valentine’s Day. Or as we Americans call it, “The big dance.”

Welcome to “A Complete Idiot’s Guide” where you will be guided by me, a complete idiot. This week? The mysterious 1099.

I’m “the truth” and the club is Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men.

They foster annoying internet debate over what’s missing. Or worse, smarmy smug snarkers will share it with self-congratulatory asides about how they like the thing that’s missing the best. Of course, things are going to be missing from something that is only five things. There are more than five things in the world!

For a long time now, we’ve been told, and increasingly so, that we have to choose between a morning or a night. Well I’d like to suggest there is no such thing as a morning or a night. There’s only morning all day long. The morning is when we look to the future, when anything seems possible — like morning, even throughout the night.